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3 Funny Votes
1 Die Votes
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Published September 10, 2009
So, I didn't get around to fixing my thoroughly sleepy and confusing blog (though I still stand by the opinions I didn't get around to expressing) and I am guessing I am only apologizing to myself. Cause I'm guessing no one else is reading this. I was unable to amend my blog because I was out getting my hair highlighted which, next to go-karting, is probably my favorite thing to do. You go in all ratty and come out all pretty. When I get home from the beauty parlor, I like to catch up on the day's headlines. Some days I wake up and there is nary a shark attack or baby hiding in a wall in sight. But today was an outta the park day for headlines. The following things were reported today:

Ohio Cheetah Breaks Speed Record
(36 MPH, 100 meter Dash in 6.1something seconds)

Blue Man Still Suffering Shocking Side Effect, But Says Skin is Lightening
(It's true, cause it was on the Today Show)

Court Says Pizza Shop Must Pay For 340 lb. Employee's Weight-Loss Surgery
(I want to move to Canada)

Rodney King to Fight Former Police Officer in "Celebrity Boxing Match"
(Deeply, heartbreakingly depressing unless in some way this helps poor, broken Rodney heal)
*See Celebrity Rehab for explanation

South African Sprinter Has Both Male and Female Organs, Tests Reveal
(She has no womb or ovaries. I hope this poor girl doesn't kill herself. For the world to know you're a hermaphrodite at 19?)

I Got My Hair High/Lowlighted
(Previously reported)

And, apparently some women Krazy glued a faithless man's penis to his belly in Wisconsin.

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