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2Funny
2Die
98
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September 04, 2011
Published
Description

A girl underestimates the consequences of beating an old man to the front of the grocery line.

    Sam couldn’t say she didn’t see bespeckled old man making his way slowly down aisle six past the cereals and fruit bars. All she could knew is that she didn’t want to get stuck behind this old man with all his receycable tote bags. “Screw this basket,” Sam thought as she grabbed her six bags of assorted chips, and six pack of beer. If anyone from her high school track team had seen her, they would say she hadn’t run like that since that track meet in Amarillo where she won 5th place. After nearly running down a pregnant woman and a small child, Sam managed to beat the old man who wasn’t even halfway down aisle six. Sam didn’t know the old man had made it until she heard the wheezing huff behind her back, and caught the putrid stench of urine. Sam could feel his whiskers on the back of her neck when he got up behind her to say under his breath, “you beetle-headed flap-ear’d knave.” Not sure whether or not if the old bag of bones was speaking English she moved up in line. But the old man only pushed his basket into her backside, and let out an evil chuckle. Only a little louder this time the old man growled, “fusty nut with no kernel.” By this time Sam, had deducted some English words, but couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Turning her cheek to look at the long row of various gum and candy bars, she thought maybe the old man had finally settled down when she suddenly felt hot, musky breath on her other cheek. This time the old man was yelling at the top of his voice, “Veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth, and mountain of mad flesh! Yer nothin’ but a poisonous bunch-back’d toad!” Sam lifted her head to look around to find that every one in line, and in the store for that matter, had turned to stare. She tried to smile and say with her eyes it’s-just-a-crazy-old-man-but-what-can-you-do? The older lady in front of her sighed and said as she turned back around, “I guess insults are just not what they used to be.” 
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