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September 25, 2015
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The New York Jets are 2-0 this season and their fans are feeling pretty good about their new coach, new quarterback, new wide receiver and are repressing everything in their body that tells them this is undoubtedly going to end poorly. So I emailed my co-worker Travis Helwig to ask him why he's hopeful.

The New York Jets are 2-0 this season and their fans are feeling pretty good about their new coach, new quarterback, new wide receiver and are repressing everything in their body that tells them this is undoubtedly going to end poorly. So I emailed my co-worker Travis Helwig to ask him why he’s hopeful.


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Subject: The Jets

Hey Travis. The Jets are off to a great start, but they’ve started hot in the past before trailing off. I figured I’d ask you, the only Jets fan I know… why are you hopeful for this season?


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

Hey, man! It’s pretty exciting. Ryan Fitzpatrick looks great. I love our new coach, Todd Bowles. I don’t want to jinx it, but I think this team just has something special about them.


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Subject: The Jets

That’s awesome. It’s just that whenever a Jets team starts off well, the media really gets into it and then normally something goes wrong and they kind of fall away or even implode. I was just wondering what makes you more hopeful this year.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

what else is there to be hopeful for


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

I don’t want to do this if it’s going to drive a wedge in our friendship. I know you are passionate.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

we are 2-0


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

Which is amazing, but Ryan Fitzpatrick, with those 2 wins, is 36-56-1 and Brandon Marshall did his post game interview dressed as a yacht captain.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

ive been through enough fuck you and fuck this and fuck the pats i dont owe you shit

fireman ed, 9/11, seinfeld, yadda yadda yadda


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

Rex Ryan and The Bills look good.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

fuck tom brady


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

I legitimately like Tom Brady.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

fuck you.

i met the guy at a bar who deflated the footballs and he said tom brady was doing it for years thats true

bill deblasio


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

This is a blatant attempt to get this information shared via Funny Or Die’s social media team. You say this at the office and on Facebook all the time.

I’d be incredibly surprised if Ryan Fitzpatrick never asked a ball boy to alter the air pressure in a game ball.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

the truth will set you free


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

Can you name the university that your starting running back went to without searching for it on Bing?

Also, let me clarify. I am legit happy for you. Sorry, I have to do this and publish it. It’s our job.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

One, two, three, four!

The highway’s jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive
Everybody’s out on the run tonight
But there’s no place left to hide
Together Wendy we can live with the sadness
I’ll love you with all the madness in my soul
H-Oh, Someday girl I don’t know when
We’re gonna get to that place
Where we really wanna go
And we’ll walk in the sun
But till then tramps like us
Baby we were born to run

Oh honey, tramps like us
Baby we were born to run

Come on with me, tramps like us
Baby we were born to run

University


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

Springsteen has stated that he’s not a big sports guy, but it’s most likely that he’s a Giants fan if anything. I love Springsteen, let’s not drag him into this.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

why am i hopeful? because we have god on our side. an angry god that punishes those who loves the most. The Jets and the city of Cleveland.

Bill Bellichick (sp?) is a fraud


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

Also, Chris Ivory went to Tiffin University. $1,000,000 in cash if you can tell me where that is.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

JERSEY BABY


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

That’s not helpful.

Ohio. It’s a member of the GLIAC aka the Great Lakes Intercollegiate Athletic Conference. Your starting backfield is not eligible for the BCS playoffs.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

Oregon lost in the finals


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

MARCUS MARIOTA


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

Is no Ryan Fitzpatrick.


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

Fuck you.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

fuck you


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

Fuck you.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

fuck you


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

Fuck you.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

fuck you


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

Fuck you.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

fuck you


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

Dude, fuck you.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

I’m hopeful because FUCK YOU.


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

We are gonna win the super bowl


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

New York City baby


From: Travis69@FOD.com
To: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
Re: The Jets

Pizza rat


From: AlexGoDucks@FOD.com
To: Travis69@FOD.com
Re:: The Jets

That’s actually pretty much the answer I expected right away. Thanks Trav!

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