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Published December 12, 2008

Sarah Palin, on hearing of Governor Blagojevich's recent alleged bribe-seeking troubles, has offered herself up on the political platter to govern Illinois as a sign of friendship, emphasizing that she "only needs to find out also where it is."

"Besides," she said, "we could use that million from Candidate #5 to buy me some rockin' new duds. How else can we you know unify our country better than by sharing our intellect?" asked Alaska's governor, who added, "and I can, by golly, give Mr. and Mrs. B a shout out as to, you know, speak proper without using bad words there."

Governor Palin then illustrated a few of the similarities in governing Alaska and Illinois. "We you know are all the same in politics only up here in Alaska, we don't get caught so much as Illinoisites are also having snow. One time when Alaska was free, we gave what for to the states down there and Illinoisites are doin' the same thing to keep from getting' to be part of the U.S. and havin' to have work and unions and, erm ... " She boasted, "Me and Rod use the same stylist as also hairs Donald Trump."

In response to a question from an anonymous reporter working for an unidentified newspaper who asked, "What would you do about appointing a senator to take the place of President-elect Obama?" the governor of Alaska gave an eye-popping smile.

"For sure I'd appoint myself also to do the job there and you know overturn a few laws that are kinda not good for having lots of babies. And I'd pick my own hubby here for Supreme Court Dude. Then the Republican Party wouldn't have to buy him more clothes also on accounta that cool black robe thingie."

When asked why she thought her once-popular administration would get her a dual-governorship, Palin replied, "When you think of all the starvin' people over there in foreign lands like Illinois, a look at me in pretty clothes would give them hope and also not feel guilty about over population and other things like Joe the Plumber talks about when he sells books. I have a book also and foreigners might you know sort of caring people like me can wear pretty things and also, erm, comin' or goin', ya know?"

If true that Chicagoans think they couldn't be any worse off politicianwise, it's entirely possible that Governor Palin's experience would be a step up. In her own words, "We'd be just real good rulers cuz whether it's wildlife or sports or games, we sure know how to get us some Cubs."

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