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October 02, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

California is now the first state to ban "gay therapy" for teens. But now where will gay teens go to feel weird and inferior?

The White House Military Office was reportedly attacked by Chinese hackers. Authorities are sure it was the Chinese because it only took 10 minutes.

A new site launched by the government will allow journalists to track their Freedom of Information Act requests more efficiently. In other news, a new site launched by the the government will allow the government to track journalists' Freedom of Information Act requests more efficiently.

Mitt Romney said that President Obama has caused America to "atrophy." "For example, just look at my campaign," he said.

In related news, CNNMoney surveyed 17 economists and nine said Mitt Romney would help the economy grow the most. However, the remaining eight asked, "What's CNNMoney?"

Time magazine says a new recession might be coming or we may already be in another one. Keep in mind, the original title of the magazine was "We Don't Understand Time." 

Researchers say climate change is shrinking the size of fish. As if finding Nemo needed to be any harder

The CEO of Yahoo gave birth to a boy late Sunday night. Interestingly, Google's CEO gave birth to octuplets five weeks ago.

Scottish scientists suggest we can combat global warming by blasting a giant dust cloud off of an asteroid, which could shade the Earth. All three of them think it could work.

Arnold Schwarzenegger said that he told ex-wife Maria Shriver's mom when they first met, "Your daughter has a great ass." Causing many to wonder how things went wrong so slowly.

The online fundraiser for a museum for inventor Nikola Tesla finished with just over $1.37 million dollars, with their initial goal being $850,000. Which should be more than enough to also pay someone to dig up Thomas Edison's body and throw it over Niagara Falls.