Millennials, am I right?
I mean… come ON! Millennials, millennials, millennials. They’ll click anything, especially articles that talk about millennials. We don’t even have to say anything substantial about them. Just the word “millennial” will have them stumbling and stammering over each other in the comments about how wrong we are, how we don’t know the first thing about them, how it’s OUR fault for raising whiny little clickwhores. Then we just have to kick back and collect that sweet, succulent ad revenue. Congratulations, millennials. You gave in to our will without even knowing it.
As long as we keep talking about millennials they’ll keep reading. See? How about another hyperlink to click, you fool! Oh that makes you mad, doesn’t it? Being called a fool? What we call you next will SHOCK you. You won’t BELIEVE what it means.
- What’s wrong? This article doesn’t have enough lists for you, millennial?
- Here’s a list. Those markings to the left are called bullet points.
- They’re like little circular hashtags that
- Oops that sentence didn’t even have an ending. You probably didn’t notice, though.
- You’re probably slap-chopping a four paragraph comment response about why this millennial article is bullshit.
- But guess what?
- All the Baby Boomers and Gen-Xers are going to reply with the same tired jokes…
“Millennials are just mad because they’re too [spoiled/lazy/entitled/narcissistic/ annoying/easily offended/born in the 90s/make poor life decisions/can’t take responsibility/are you still reading this/why would you keep reading this/literally none of it means anything/go outside and read a book or whatever/some insult about your fancy phone/everyone knows old people are jealous of you/rise up and take the power back/it’s like that Rage Against The Machine song/unless you’re too young to know who that is/we’re not even sure how old millennials are at this point/a millennial is like a middle schooler, right?/who cares/probably only millennials]” they’ll say.
And you’ll make a valid argument. But only other millennials will listen.
Then we profit off your rage.
Have an opinion? Make sure to share this article on Facebook and Twitter and list all the reasons it’s wrong. Here’s a quote you can use to entice your friends:
“One problem with the millennial generation is their love of irony. They’re too self-aware because of all their debt and over-education. Man they’re smart. Baby Boomers will never click this article, and they definitely shouldn’t also share their opinion on the stupid millennials.”
We stopped giving a fuck when we thought of the title.