With the recent overturning of California’s Proposition 8, we’ve reentered the period of straight men reclaiming this shitty joke:
It’s not the conservatives who are really upset about Prop 8 getting overturned… it’s all men. You know, cause men don’t want to get married. Gay guys are probably like, “Ohhh nooo, we can’t get married? Oh, well. Guess we lost that battle, huh?” You know what I’m saying? Men don’t want to get married!
It’s a truly pitiful twist on a joke that already wasn’t very funny.
What I want to hear, though, is that same jokester try to develop a bit
by applying the same gay-men-think-like-straight-men mentality to
lesbian women, wherein all straight women do want to get
married. The major hurdle with this—which is what really makes me want
to hear it—is that the same straight men that tell this joke are
generally infatuated with lesbian sex.
It’s not the liberals who are really excited about Prop 8 getting overturned… it’s all women. You know, cause all women want to get married. Lesbians are probably like, “Hooooray, we can finally get married! All I think about is marriage!” You know what I’m saying? I can just see it. Like, this lesbian is sitting on the couch waiting for her girlfriend to get home and, you know, she’s just wearing a kind of baggy t-shirt and some lacy panties, and maybe the shirt is really old so it’s kind of worn through and has a couple holes in it **swallows hard**… and then the girlfriend gets home. Uh, and the girlfriend sort looks like Eva Mendes but hotter, and she’s just getting back from her job at the bikini testing plant so she’s like still wearing this really sexy bikini… or just the bottom half, yeah… and she comes in the door and her girlfriend gets off the couch—she looks like Jessica Alba in Fantastic Four with the blonde hair—and she’s like, “Did you work hard today?” So Eva takes a couple steps forward and pushes her tits together and… okay, wait. What does she say before they kiss? I had a joke in here somewhere. Oh, yeah. One of them is like, “Let’s get married.” You know what I’m saying? All women want to get married. Fuck, I’ve got to sit down for a second.
Then the joke teller must excuse himself from the conversation/party/Starbucks’s line to masturbate furiously for several hours. There’s a reason these men don’t explore the possibility of the lesbian-women-are-just-like-straight-women joke. They’ll just get overturned on.
My name is t.j. and this blog supports Local Union 98 of the Bikini Testing Plant. Keep fighting for those rights!