Do you have a big nose?

Do you have a nose so big it arrives in a room five minutes before the rest of you?

When you swim on your back underwater is your nose so big that people on the beach think you’re a shark?

Or is your nose so big that people think you’re not a human being you’re a hawk?

Do insensitive people refer to your nose as a nose (F word)?

If that’s the case you deserve a MemoryTag greeting card. MemoryTag, the card company that made the old boring greeting card come alive with a plethora of messages for every possible emotion celebrating the weird, the wild, the happy, the angry, the mocking, and even to include sayings that don’t make sense at all.

You have to guess what they mean.

First of all, how come a really big nose is not favored by most people? Everything else on the human body we usually want it big, the male organ for example, the rule there the bigger the better. Every guy wants a huge thing to be used (forgive the pun) in a way that—–no holes are barred.

Guys also generally want to be big and tall no one wants to be five-foot-one.

Women again generally speaking want breasts that are considered breasts; and no don’t accuse me of being a sexist because I have been before and like Trump does I’ll just deny it. Let me word it another way, flat-chested women are great, but most men wants breasts that qualify as breasts.

Having a big nose? Why is that wrong? In Ancient Rome you were nothing if you didn’t have a big nose.

First of all you have more air inside your nose to breathe than other people. If you had a little tiny snub of a nose like Britney Spears does, you have to struggle so hard to breathe through that little fu’king peanut you call a nose, always gasping and panting.

A big nose is like a spare gas tank.

I know a man whose nose was so big when he died they couldn’t close the casket lid at the funeral. His nose was trying to keep him above ground. Now that’s a friend.

You’ve heard of the legend that big body parts mean other body parts hidden by clothing must be big too. For example, if you are a man and have small hands, your male penis is supposed to be small also. The president went through this conjecture because he has tiny tiny hands.

Likewise, if you have a big nose, another part of you is supposed to be big also. When God made you, he may have invested too much in your nose like a gambler places too much money on Number 7 at the casino, and had little skin left over for your thing. In other words you may have a nose as big as a shovel and a penis that people think is a boil.

But the women at the bar don’t know that. You saunter into the tavern, lustfully glance at the woman of your choice, and prominently display your nose in all its glory. Exhibit the nose from side to side. Turn it to the side so she can glimpse it in all its enormous size. If you are seeking an immoral immediate relationship without ethics and a tawdry pursuit of human flesh and selfish sexual gratification—you might be in luck.

She might come to associate your nose with another supposedly huge human appendage lower down and hidden by clothing from view (here’s a tip guys if your reproductive thing is small stuff a few rags down there to further the mythology).

Having a big nose has other advantages. You can avoid night-time sleep suffocation because your nose is so big it acts like a doorstop, preventing your face as you roll over in your sleep from becoming flush (full-face-down) on the pillow—-cutting off your air.

A big nose can be used to scare kids on Halloween at the door as you hand out candy. Put a bag over your head with a hole cut in it to expose your huge nose. The little pissers will depart quicker in fright with less candy to rot their teeth and for you to hand out.

A big nose can also be used for identification purposes. Let’s say you’re covered in snow by an avalanche at a ski resort. People searching for you who have a physical description of you are digging through the snow,reaching down into the snow probing. Their hand reaches and grabs your nose.They immediately know it’s you.

You’re saved.

Send someone you know with a big nose a congratulations card from MemoryTag. Tell them how beautiful their nose is and how anyone any jerk can have a regular sized nose.

MemoryTag is the card that says just about everything from happy birthday to get well cards, graduation cards, Mother’s and Father’s Day cards, sympathy cards, weddings, anniversary cards, funny cards, weird cards,Valentine’s Day cards, thank you cards, and cards that say things you’ve never heard before.