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Published February 19, 2010 More Info »
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Published February 19, 2010

"I AM SO SORRY..."

If you didn't see or haven't heard the "Mea Culpa" from Tiger Woods today regarding his "bad behaviour" you're either wearing a paper hat at work or living under a rock. After a self imposed exile of over 2 months since the "car accident heard round the world" last Thanksgiving, Tiger Woods held his first press conference at 11:00 EST today.
He apologized profusely, not only to his wife Elin, whom he insisted NEVER struck him;
"Some people have speculated that Elin somehow hurt or attacked me on Thanksgiving night. It angers me that people would fabricate a story like that. She never hit me that night or any other night. There has never been an episode of domestic violence in our marriage. Ever."
 He also apologized to his fans and sponsors, saying  "I am also aware of the pain my behavior has caused to those of you in this room. I have let you down. I have let down my fans. For many of you, especially my friends, my behavior has been a personal disappointment. To those of you who work for me, I have let you down, personally and professionally. My behavior has caused considerable worry to my business partners."
As to his whereabouts and activities during his exile Tiger said "It is hard to admit that I need help. But I do. For 45 days, from the end of December to early February, I was in inpatient therapy, receiving guidance for the issues I'm facing. I have a long way to go. But I've taken my first steps in the right direction." 
The first "Gentle Steps" on the path to recovery apparently.
 
BRILLIANT!!


Talk about hitting a 2 iron off the cart path and making the "saves" on the golf course Tiger is so famous for; this little piece of adaption - playing the "Rehab Card" for "Clinical Sexual Addiction" will rank in history with the all time greats in Spin Science, moves like Paul Reubens offering to do a "Free Childrens Benefit" for the Sarasota Sheriff's Dept. to "take care of this.." after being arrested for public masturbation, Hugh Grant for his statement on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno "I think you know in life what's a good thing to do, and what's a bad thing; and I did a bad thing. And there you have it." after being arrested for Lewd Conduct in a public place (Sunset Blvd!) in L.A. , and of course, the master, the El Presidente' Grande of the scandal spin, Ex-President Bill Clinton for his unforgettable tag "I did NOT HAVE SEX with that woman!" regarding his numerous blow jobs from Monica Lewinsky.


If 45 days in Mississippi doesn't cure your Sexual Addiction I don't know what will...


Flush with success from his skyrocketing career in the PGA, Tiger met, wooed, and wed beautiful Swedish model Elin Nordegrin in 2004. A stunning Nordic blonde, Elin gave up her professional and public life to live in luxurious seclusion due to Tiger's insistence to keep his family life private, and eventually - to give him the latitude to enjoy the "Forbidden Fruits" of his labors. Here's a picture of the housewife Tiger left at home with the kids and dogs..

Elin Nordegrin

Can you imagine not wanting to be with this woman so you can jump "Promo girls" and waitresses and Locker Room Lizards? And it would have been bad enough if they were only one night stands, why on Earth would you have a "relationship" with these sluts and make them promises, and then commit the ultimate betrayal in the eyes of any wife - tell them you "Love Them"?! Eeeeeeeewwwwww!!!
Another thing to consider, it's a fact that EVERYBODY on the PGA tour knew what Tiger was doing FOR YEARS! And his managers and his agents and his caddy.. and probably his SPONSORS! And not one of them, even the one's who really didn't like him or his media dominance let the secret leak, not until this woman blew it.. (heh heh)

Tiger and Rachel Uchitel


You can bet that Elin had her suspicions long before she finally confirmed things over Thanksgiving; all those unexplained weekend "Photo Shoots" and "Business Conferences" and private calls must have led to the digital snooping that eventually uncovered the truth. The phone confrontation and the subsequent events leading up to that smashed Escalade in Florida were just the tip of the iceberg fated to sink Tiger's Titanic of temptation. Like rats leaving a sinking ship to claim their 15 minutes of fame (and as much money as their agents and attorneys could grab) the notches on Tiger's wood have come (heh heh) out of the.. "Woodwork".

Four and Twenty mistresses, fighting for the Pie..


Ah, those were the days, huh Tiger? I sure hope so man, because you are going to be paying, and Paying, and PAYING for those days for the rest of your life, or at least until the kids are out of college, Elin remarries after the eventual divorce (probably), and all of the mistresses lawsuits, including the paternity ones - are settled. I'll bet even Donald Trump and Larry King feel sorry for you. So.. what does the future hold for the new, improved Elin and Tiger Woods?



Well one thing you can count on, there's going to be an IMMENSE power shift in the dynamics of Tiger's relationship with Elin; no longer will she be the stay at home Mom, content to raise the kids and feed the dogs, and keep the home fires burning. When Tiger eventually returns to the tour he's going to have a new roommate - the SAME ROOMMATE almost every night, and one that wants to go EVERYWHERE with him; practice rounds, meals, appearances, and other sporting events. And then there's the ancillary expenses. Do you remember that 4 million dollar purple diamond ring that Kobe bought off his wife with? That was 7 years ago - and only one girl. Tiger better call the Smithsonian and start negotiating about the Hope diamond! And you can bet that Elin is going to keep him on a much shorter leash...



But don't worry, Tiger will get used to his new role and restrictions, and he'll always have his memories, where the rest of us just have fantasies; besides, he'll be pretty busy trying to reestablish himself on the PGA Tour, and with his sponsors while trying to elude the baying pack of jackals the press and paparazzi will become, hounding and tracking him every minute of ever day. If she doesn't divorce him, MAYBE someday Elin may even let him off the leash occasionally, to roam the Jungle again - lord and master of all he surveys. The jackals will watch him for her.. and if all that's not enough to keep him inbounds...

 

There's always the .. "Short Game"... I'm just sayin'..

So what is America saying? What do you think the future holds for the Woods family? Do you think this speech will "Save the Tiger",or will he end up as a rug on the floor of history?

Here's some tiger food for thought.

"O Tiger's heart, wrapped in a Woman's hide!" ~ William Shakespeare

"Better to live one year as a Tiger than a hundred as a Sheep." ~ Madonna

"Do not blame God for creating the Tiger, but thank him for not having given it wings." ~ Unknown Indian Proverb


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