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April 08, 2011

Every Friday I chat about a great movie

 M. Knight Shamalamadingdong is on a roll.  "The Last Airbender" was like 70 different movies happening at once.  That's impressive.  We had waterbenders, airbenders, firebenders and cokebenders.  We had Falcor from "The Neverending Story".  We had a lot of Asians cast as bad guys and a lot of white people cast as good guys. I'll break it down for you.  Really, really bad guys were all Indian.  Bad guys and peasants were all Asian. Yes Lando Calrissian fans, there was one black man in this universe as well.  Guess what race the 3 heroes were? No not Aborigine.  Our heroes were all white, but to be fair to M.Knight, they were kinda ethnic looking.

  This kind of casting is nothing new to Hollywood.  Sure, it hasn't been done since Eli Wallach played the Mexican bandit Tuco in "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" in 1966, but who's keeping track.  The fight scenes were unparalleled to anything I have seen between  9 pm and 11 pm on April 7, 2011.  The cinematography happened and the editing I think may have happened.  The good dialogue was good I liked it.  I hear the cast was treated to top notch catering.

  The final epic battle pitches the good guy waterbenders(white people) against the evil firebenders(Asians).  The waterbenders looked like an army of Blockbuster Video employees good for defending realms in there parents basement with a 12 sided die.  Their battle cry was about as threatening as a box of kittens with wool knit sweaters on.  The firebenders did a serviceable job of being marginally evil.  Well, not evil really.  Just kinda mean.

  I know what you're thinking. "This blog is making me wet".  You're also thinking that "The Last Airbender" wasn't so bad if you disregard the lack of fighting (less than a Woody Allen movie), racist casting, worst child acting quite possibly ever, laughably bad lighting (my sex dungeon is lit better), worse dialogue than an episode of "Saved By the Bell", blindfolded cinematography, editing by a monkey throwing darts and direction by a man obviously busy text messaging during takes.  But the most egregious part of this movie was its blatant rip-off of "The Golden Child".  But that little Tibetan fucker in "The Golden Child" ran the shit.  "My So-Called Airbender" spends every lunch break stuffed in his locker.  My dear sweet brother Noompsi.