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March 25, 2012

a news update for the situation in the Lower Yalung Valley of the Glorious Republic of Grigovia


Just weeks after apprehending a group of thirteen supposed wildlife photographers found loitering in its Lower Yalung Valley, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia today voiced suspicions that the individuals now incarcerated in the notorious Hrammbar prison complex are members of the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency. While the detained have been allowed to speak with their families and to receive medical attention and psychological care, four of them are rumored to be heavily addicted to the local strain of spice, and four more are being held in solitary confinement following a brazen but unsuccessful escape attempt.


Suspicions were raised when analyses of the Americans' photographs by (Soviet-trained) Grigovian image specialists revealed sensitive data relating to troop movements, field armaments, and active long-range missile sites in sublayers of seemingly innocent image files. Upon being questioned about the data, the Yankees were reported to have remained stone-faced and silent. Pitr Mohammad Yilyilanov, senior press agent for the Grigovian Ministry of Internal Information Gathering (MIIG) speaking from Grig, the nation's capital, stated in a press release that the Ministry had found packets of seemingly random data that, when arranged and compiled with two different sets of commercially available software, turned out to be detailed blueprints and technical specifications for primary military sites along the country's western border, which it shares with Iran.


Each of the thirteen Americans' passports appears to have been stamped by Grigovian customs officials upon entering the country, although MIIG is currently testing the authenticity of the ink, a proprietary blend made using the root of the mountain sharpstand, or czabtyip, which is a rare plant that grows only in the Lower Yalung. Persons processing czabtyip into ink become addicted frequently to the spice, which is a lesser component in the process, but which wafts up readily into the nostrils, and from there, into the lungs.


After verifying their good health and better cheer, the U.S. State Department demanded half-heartedly the return of the thirteen Americans. Insiders at State report that everyone there seems to be standing around in bored half-trances waiting for the real action to get started.


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