Fourth of July is coming up, everyone. Everybody got their America hats on? Great. Fantastic. I bet it looks very flattering and cool. Anyway, Independence Day. Let's all honor our nation by going to a barbecue and eating overcooked hamburgers and waiting for our turn in the kiddie pool that our friend owns despite not having any children.
Also avoid these people:
1. Guy who announces he's made a "killer playlist" on his iPod but it's really just a collection of the same Sublime and Bob Marley songs he brings every year.
2. Guy who acts like he hasn't heard Bob Marley or Sublime in years and thus encourages the creator of that playlist.
3. Guy who won't shut up during the fireworks.
4. Guy who keeps talking about how the girls want to play Slip-n-Slide even though no girls have arrived yet.
5. Guy who feels the need to play bartender despite the only drink options being beer and the hose.
6. Girl who unexpectedly dominates in beer pong but doesn't understand the concept of beginner's luck.
7. Guy who brought his acoustic guitar but then acts like he forgot about it. And then when people ask him to get it, he's all like "Oh, don't make me sing." Then he grabs it and plays the opening chords to "Wonderwall," which of course gets allllll the ladies to swoon, only to stop and say,"You know, I don't think I remember the whole song," when he totally does.
9. Guy who dressed in red, white, and blue who was a hit at the beginning of the party but feels more and more uncomfortable as the night goes on.
10. Guy who passed out in the kiddie pool way too early in the party, thus ruining it for everyone.
11. Guy who still won't shut up during the fireworks
12. Girl who shows up wearing a bikini despite there not being a pool.
13. If there is a pool, girl who sits at the edge of the pool and then complains when she gets wet.
14. Guy who brings shitty beer, but only drinks the good stuff.
15. Jesus Christ, guy, just shut up and enjoy the fireworks.
16. Girl who says she LOVES flip cup, but then tells you she doesn't drink beer when she plays.
17. The guy who nobody knows.*
*9 times out of 10, this ends up being the host of the party.
- Fuckin' Dave!
- i am the guy nobody knows,but damn society says u have to do something on 4th of july.so instead i talk to the voices in my head.good times.
- An absolute perfect description of every '4th of July' picnic; I'd love for you to address: 1) Horrible birthday celebrations at restaurants. 2) Thanksgiving at 'Grandma's' 3) A long-prepared for, and quickly vaporized Christmas morning 4) New Year's with Uncle Harry, and Aunt Christine who are BOTH severe alcoholics, who--in denial--drink 'Mennen' aftershave. 5) Anybody ( period ) who carries around an 'acordian wallet' with ten gillion stupid pictures of their 'cute' grandchildren. BTW, I got even by bringing along pictures of my 1963 Dodge Polara..." And this is my car at six", "This is my car sitting in front of the house ", "This is my car with a full tank of gas ", And this is my car with a brand new wax job." " Isn't she just precious ?". ETC. Go for it, guys. If they force their pics on you, they HAVE to look at yours'. 6) E-condolance cards. Have we gone THAT far ? 7) While I have never seen a person with cell phones to both ears, I'm just waiting. 8) Friends, co-workers, neighbors, or strangers who just cannot shut up through a movie. 9) People who always allow their 2 yr old to 'answer' the phone. The list of human frailties, and idiocies goes on and on and on, and..... Love, 'Zahc'
- Damn straight I'll be there.
- the picture at the top is the funniest thing about this entry.
- I know all these guys
- I think I am number 6 and possibly the one with the mixed CD, but I do change it every summer
- What about the guy in the white shirt who asks me "when's the food going to be ready?", as I slave-away at the grill? He'll enjoy the flavor of my spit on his burger!
- I'm the guy nobody knows, you can call me Dave. I'm glad I heard that Sublime song playing as I was walking by. That looks like my girlfriend sitting by the pool, dont know why she hates water. I just happened to have my guitar in case you get tired of Bob Marley and a case of Old English. I'll just down some of these Gueniess's and pass out in the kiddie pool. Wake me up for the fireworks please!!
- FUCKEN DAVE WTF.
- number 3, 11 & 15 caleb. haha
- Its me dave...i got the stuff. Let me into your party!!
- lol everyone has a Dave :P
- Hahaha (:
- Our Dave died this year. RIP Dave.
- These are the Daves I know, I know, these are the Daves I know.
- You forgot the MOST annoying person...guy who takes grilling WAAAAAAAY too seriously.
- alrighty then........
- Hey, why am I number 8? Oh wait, yea. I was brought up to never waste, and that means beer damnit. I bought it today and will drink it today. I aint carrying it home with me.
- Hey man, let's talk about those fireworks!!!