Any Basketball Team Sent To Iran Would Be Quickly Crushed
Tehran, Iran (CHN)
-- Iran's National Basketball Team is so powerful today that no country
would dare challenge it, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Sunday
during an annual athletic parade.
"Iran's basketball defenses
are so mighty that no enemy should even have a thought of scoring
against our 1-2-2 match-up zone or our man to man full court trap,"
said the Iranian leader through state media. "Of course, Iran is a
friend and brother of regional and independent basketball teams and it
wants parody, progress, and athletic prowess for all countries,"
the event near the Ayatollah Khomeini Mr Pibb Center, several players
specializing in long-range three point capabilities were on display
including the 'Tehranian Treymaster' Mehdi Rahmati.
intelligence suggests that all games and practices are held in the Mr.
Pibb Ayatollah Khomeini Center. Iranian Officials have reported that a test game is being planned in the Straits of Hormuz
later this month. The opponent has been a well guarded secret, however
Russian athletes have been spotted by U.S. satellites and are believed
to be slowly moving into the area.
Geo-athletic sports writers
believe that Ahmadinejad's increasingly hostile rhetoric against
Western basketball teams was fomented after being snubbed for NBA
playoff tickets following multiple requests to NBA Jew Commissioner
The hard line leader slammed Western teams and
coaches for what he called hypocritical and dangerous game plans that
can only lead to general basketball proliferation. He said the United
Basketball Nations and the International Olympic Committee were
ineffective because they were dominated by a few teams that all had a
proclivity to transfer game strategy and Nike Air Jordans to Israel.
Obama has been pressing the U.N. Athletic Council to slap Iran with
tougher sanctions for its ominous basketball ambitions. Iran says that
its sports program is intended for peaceful civilian purposes only.
a public letter to Ahmadinejad, Obama told the Iranian Leader that if
the Iranian Basketball Team was sent to Israel for any reason that the
U.S. would immediately strike back with the 1992 Olympic Dream Team, widely
considered the best basketball team of all time.
unfazed by the threat, told state media that as long Christian Laettner
and Chris Mullin were still on the 'Dream Team' that the Iranian
Government would have no hesitation sending its squad to any gymnasium
in the world.
It has been long thought that Iran has purchased
balls, uniforms, and other equipment from Russia and North Korea.
Iranian Leaders have argued that the basketball buildup has always been
to defend against foreign teams who may have 'huge black players that
might invade the lane and dunk on our fucking faces'. As of press time
those comments could not be confirmed by any huge black players.
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