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April 23, 2010


Any Basketball Team Sent To Iran Would Be Quickly Crushed

Tehran, Iran (CHN) -- Iran's National Basketball Team is so powerful today that no country would dare challenge it, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Sunday during an annual athletic parade.

"Iran's basketball defenses are so mighty that no enemy should even have a thought of scoring against our 1-2-2 match-up zone or our man to man full court trap," said the Iranian leader through state media. "Of course, Iran is a friend and brother of regional and independent basketball teams and it wants parody, progress, and athletic prowess for all countries," Ahmadinejad said.

During the event near the Ayatollah Khomeini Mr Pibb Center, several players specializing in long-range three point capabilities were on display including the 'Tehranian Treymaster' Mehdi Rahmati.

American intelligence suggests that all games and practices are held in the Mr. Pibb Ayatollah Khomeini Center. Iranian Officials have reported that a test game is being planned in the Straits of Hormuz later this month. The opponent has been a well guarded secret, however Russian athletes have been spotted by U.S. satellites and are believed to be slowly moving into the area.

Geo-athletic sports writers believe that Ahmadinejad's increasingly hostile rhetoric against Western basketball teams was fomented after being snubbed for NBA playoff tickets following multiple requests to NBA Jew Commissioner David Stern.

The hard line leader slammed Western teams and coaches for what he called hypocritical and dangerous game plans that can only lead to general basketball proliferation. He said the United Basketball Nations and the International Olympic Committee were ineffective because they were dominated by a few teams that all had a proclivity to transfer game strategy and Nike Air Jordans to Israel.

President Obama has been pressing the U.N. Athletic Council to slap Iran with tougher sanctions for its ominous basketball ambitions. Iran says that its sports program is intended for peaceful civilian purposes only.

In a public letter to Ahmadinejad, Obama told the Iranian Leader that if the Iranian Basketball Team was sent to Israel for any reason that the U.S. would immediately strike back with the 1992 Olympic Dream Team, widely considered the best basketball team of all time.

Ahmadinejad, unfazed by the threat, told state media that as long Christian Laettner and Chris Mullin were still on the 'Dream Team' that the Iranian Government would have no hesitation sending its squad to any gymnasium in the world.

It has been long thought that Iran has purchased balls, uniforms, and other equipment from Russia and North Korea. Iranian Leaders have argued that the basketball buildup has always been to defend against foreign teams who may have 'huge black players that might invade the lane and dunk on our fucking faces'. As of press time those comments could not be confirmed by any huge black players.

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