If you’ve been on the Internet at all in the past eight years, you know that President Obama is the best and coolest President ever.
But did you know that there are a lot of people who don’t like President Obama at all? They’re called Republicans and they have their own totally different Internet where they think Obama is the worst U.S. President in the history of the world.
Now, these Republicans are trying make it as if Obama was never President at all! They want to “repeal and replace” Obama’s biggest accomplishment, the Affordable Care Act. They might even make him move out of the White House!
But President Obama didn’t just stand there and wait for his legacy to get flushed down the drain. This week, Obama did something that will have lasting impact on this country for years to come.
He didn’t sign any legislation. He didn’t issue a new executive order. He didn’t even do another “Slow Jam The News.”
President Obama hid an entire deep dish pizza in a crawl space in the White House.
That’s right. The 44th President of the United States of America stood on a chair in the back of a closet somewhere in the West Wing and shoved an entire large sausage pie from famed Chicago pizzeria “Lou Malnati’s” into a small gap in the ceiling’s insulation.
Yes, he can and yes, he did!
President Obama even used a broom to push the pizza as far back into the insulation as he could.
“Repeal and replace” that, motherfuckers.
So while Republicans are turning eight years of hard work, including a full recovery from an economic recession, a major withdrawal of American troops from Iraq and Afghanistan, strides in race, gender, and sexual identity equality, a healthcare system that insured more Americans than ever before, a global agreement to reduce carbon emissions, and an vastly improved standing in the international community, into a vaguely pleasant memory, know that there is one Obama accomplishment they can never get rid of, no matter how hard they try…
…a deep dish pizza rotting away somewhere in the ceiling of the White House.
Thank you, President Obama! We will never forget you or your big, stinky pizza!