Full Credits

Stats & Data

September 24, 2008


NEW YORK (AP) -- Clay Aiken's stunning confession last week that he was a gay man was followed by an equally surprising reaction by his one month old infant son, who responded: "Duh!"

According to most child development specialists, Aiken's son Parker, born August 8, should not even be capable of speaking yet. Still, he responded to Aiken's revelation: "Dad, I know I haven't been around very long, but your being gay was kind of easy to pick up on. You don't hide it very well."

Among the things Parker pointed out was Aiken's tireless efforts to woo male baby nurse Herman Mansegard and to seduce maintenance man Jaime Lazardo, and his scads and scads of gay porn.

"Also, the whole musical theater thing was kind of a gimme."

Aiken said that his reason for coming out now was that he didn't want to live a lie in front of the public and his son. Parker applauded Aiken's courage, but added "Come on, give us a little credit. That whole tiptoeing around the issue. That was us being accepting already."

Aiken has expressed worries that his longtime fans might be troubled by his completely unsurprising revelation and he is even worried about losing a few of them.

"It's a lot to take, but I know the last thing my fans would want is for me to be dishonest to them," said Aiken as infant Parker rolled his eyes and slapped his head at this completely unnecessary dash of pathos.

"Really Dad, I know I'm only six weeks old, but come on. You're laying it on a little thick, aren't you? We get it."

Aiken wanted other people to feel comfortable coming out of the closet and know that what's most important is to grow up in an atmosphere of acceptance.

Parker responded, "I feel like we spend a lot of time coming to terms with things around here. I wish somebody would just f**king feed me."

--From Eric Rasmussen's blog