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Published August 15, 2009
Is the economy beating your ass like you owed it money? Probably because you do?

Are you not a wealthy billionaire?

Did you send all your gold in to the baggie to Cash4Gold, and feel like you were robbed when you get back your $70 check for 14lbs of solid gold?

Are you looking for a way to make some quick cash because crack won't buy itself?

Start a TGPSP.

Teen Girl Pop Star Pool!

Here's the deal:

So, Ms. Cyrus made a hubbub when she did a pole dance for a teen awards show. Pfft. I saw that shit coming 10 miles away while others were shocked.

This makes perfect sense, it really does, because it's happened to others in her spot.

I won't name names, but among the names one rhymes with Shmitney Shmears, and another with Shmistina Shmagulera.

What happens is a simple, sad, inevitable transformation as 18 approaches that can make you big money!!

At 10-15, pretty little girl is put into spotlight and made into teen-star by kid friendly mega-conglomerate entertainment corporation. They either get a show, or join a kid show.

At 14-16, they start doing bump and grind dance moves to freaky sexed-up pop song written by adult Swedish men while wearing tight and/or revealing clothing.

At 15-17, parents, agents, and owners/corporation explain how she's really just a wholesome, god-loving, all american, super patriotic, incapable of impure thought and action, child-friendly dollbot made with pure Jesus-energy and OxyClean.

At 14-16, They do photos in 'cute' outfits that are camouflaged underneath some kind of more sexed-up outfit, laying on their back with a creepy smile looking innocent, as though they are completely unaware why the man (or woman) asked them to lay on their back with their legs up.

At 16-17, they come out with a video/song/stage act that basically depicts them making love to 12 20-year-old+ male dancers (at least 50% of which are gay, with is some good irony) or doing a striptease/pole dance/self-stimulating freak show. Sometimes with wild animals, sometimes with Madonna, sometimes with both.

At 17-18, there comes the final stage of the change: The magazine/TV interview where they declare they "aren't a little girl anymore", and they "want to explore their sexuality". This is when they usually cut ties with the KidGlomerate, because KidGlomerate already got their money out of her and have a new crop of pretty young teen stars to start producing/selling/growing in vats.

At 18-20, any number of wild stunts and looks come to bare as their sales slip without the KidGlomerate pushing them on their Kids/Teens-network, and they start to actually look like adult women in the adult clothing. Probably more simulated sex with male dancers, wild animals, and Madonna on Award shows and Concert Tours.


This is such a tried and true formula, you can bet money on it. This is better than cash-for-gold, and you don't feel quite so ripped off afterward. For once you can do the ripping off when you trick your friends into joining your betting pool and hosing them for their cash.

Tyghtrope says: You're welcome! We don't even want a cut! Go forth and cash out!
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