Friday, July 22, 2011
Pope Benedict Married! Catholics Outraged!
Pope Benedict XVI & Bride Alisha Richards Benedict ?
Pope Benedict XVI shocked the entire catholic world Friday morning when he hastily married 23 year old actress and part-time waitress, Alisha Richards during a small outdoor ceremony behind the Vatican. Pope Benedict, who was scheduled for his annual colonoscopy, surprised archbishops, cardinals and patriarchs during the weekly Catholic-Priest Picnic when he skipped his medical screening and introduced his then fiancé to the large group of confused clergymen. Cardinal Lubomyr Husar, who is the current Major Archbishop for the Catholic Church, was invited by the Pope to conduct marriage ceremony. "I was literally too embarassed to say no. How could I say 'no' to the Pope, when I secretly have several wives myself" Husar unintentionally admitted. Following the ceremony, Pope Benedict stated, "Our modern world calls for modern relationships. I have spent several minutes contemplating this marriage, it's the best thing for me and for the Catholic Church." Loud emotions of praise and criticism poured into the Vatican early this morning as news spread worldwide of the Pope's school boy misconduct. ??
Benedict & Bride moments after wedding ceremony
Serious scandals have shaken the Catholic Church since its foundation, however none so violently as the marriage of No. 1 present-day leader to a second-class unknown. Although there have been few Popes in the far past who have been married, no Pope in history has ever been married while practicing in ministry.
When asked if he's going to continue to
practice celibacy, Benedict merely scoffed and stated, "I never really started." Following his raucous response Benedict smiled and said, "I've got a honeymoon to get to."
Benedict announced he is taking time off and will return to his Popeship in October.