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July 25, 2013

We're here, we're not queer or anything else Americans seem to hate

White people of America. Today, I'm writing to you about diversity in the media. But not the kind you're used to being lectured about. It's the growing problem of over-represented minorities.

I'm talking, of course, about Indian people.

How do I know there are too many Indian people in the media? Easy. Have you ever heard of that guy who's sort of funny, dresses like shit, and can talk and talk without really saying anything of value?

Yeah… me. If this asshole can get on TV, there's a serious problem.

Indians seem to be on every sitcom, drama, cable news show, and… I've heard from friends of friends… internet porn.

And sure, we are entitled to something for the discrimination a small percentage of us faced in the literally 12 and a half days after 9/11.

Sniff. Sorry, it's just… free at last. Free at last. Thank God almighty we never had to have a dream in the first place. I mean... it looked pretty shitty before we arrived like at the height of the Beatles Maharishi phase.

So after I saw Nickelodeon's new animated show Sanjay and Craig, I worried maybe there would be backlash. Why not Sancho and Craig? DeShaun and Craig? Hell, I'd even settle for Sadluyok and Craig.

That's Iniut - RACISTS.

So I propose for every Indian cast in a TV show next season, there should also be at least one legitimately under-represented minority cast too.

I want to see a Native American perform that heart surgery. You know, with a dream catcher or dance of a spirit animal?

Oh and that Republican politician on Scandal or House of Cards… make him black AND gay. Sure, they don't really exist, but we all know they don't need to for most Americans to judge it on first sight.

And let's not forget the Mexicans. Isn't it time, mi hermanos y hermanas, that your maids were devious AND white?

White maids for Mexicans… a beautiful dream. Who knows, someday, like a thousand years from now… maybe more… that could happen.

Hollywood, it's time to take the first step. But just to be clear, this is IN ADDITION to casting that Indian actor, not in place of.

Come on… you know you love us.