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March 21, 2016
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Road trip with Doctor Lady! What could possibly go wrong? 9 of the most ridiculous things on s06e14 of 'The Walking Dead' Twice As Far

1) Are They (Still) Serious With This Filter

Welcome to Zombiehog Day! Where it’s the same day over and over and over and you get the idea. While I liked the fact that these people are living unbearably repetitive lives with ambiguous levels of purpose (because SAME.) are they for real with that filter? Yuck! And another one.

ANOTHER ONE.

We the worst. It looks like that Mr. Krabby Patty meme.

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Remember when they did a very similar thing with Morgan on that very necessary 90-minute episode co-starring a goat? Let’s stop doing stuff like this! Let’s have a stuff meeting at lunch and brainstorm and Brenda can order chopped salads and pizzas from the place across the street (the good one, not the shitty one) and when the stuff meeting is done we can all agree to move forward doing specifically other stuff.

2) Where Is Carol Getting All These Cigarettes?

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Where is Carol getting all of these cigarettes? Is she making them out of beets and discarded bible pages? If they invested half as much time and energy into getting food as they clearly do into getting Carol cigarettes, everyone might not be starving. Hey, Carol! Whatever you do, don’t look in a mirror and tell yourself that smoking is bad for you. You’ll be dead in five minutes like everyone else who gets that speech. It’s somewhere between that thing The Joker says in 1989 Batman and Jules’ bible verse from Pulp Fiction on the scale of “Things You Hear Before You Die Instantly.”

3) Subtle Eugene Foreshadowing

See how they show the super gross walker with a rod in his mouth and then rack focus to Eugene? It’s called “foreshadowing” people! Subtle foreshadowing. Start stretching your jaw muscles, big homie. You’re going to need them.

4) ROAD TRIP!

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Sure, let’s just take the only Doctor Lady we have (still don’t know her name) and drive her to a dubious location where she will probably get murdered so we can maybe get medicine. Truly the perfect plan, nothing could go wrong here. Are we supposed to believe Daryl Dixon, redneck extraordinaire, can’t drive a stick shift? REALLY? Daryl Dixon. His name sounds like a Confederate flag brought to life. Out of all the preposterous stuff they’ve tried to sneak past us, Daryl Dixon not having a firm mastery of a manual transmission is far and away the most absurd. The man can burp the Dukes Of Hazard theme; think he knows his way around a 4-speed pickup.

5) Great Time To Split Up

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I thought Daryl loved tracks! Tracks are usually Daryl’s favorite. Sad to see Daryl and tracks had a falling out, hope they patch things up soon. Gang, don’t split up! Every time you split up something terrible happens; therefore I have a BAD feeling about this.

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Except then nothing bad happens? Rosita just gets to the spot early, checks Zombie Snapchat for a few and then they’re back on their merry way. Huh. Odd! Alright, looks like it’s smooth sailing from here on out! Only 2/3 of this episode to go, safe to say we’re in the clear and everyone can relax and let their guard down.

6) Eugene Called Dibs

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Is nothing sacred in this new world? Eugene clearly called dibs, Abe. DIBS. You don’t mess with another man’s dibs just because he’s about to get his neck ripped out by a zombie with a T-1000 beanie. Eugene, quick question: When did you go to bullet making university? Because when it comes to making tiny metal things that explode, I’m not sure that’s something you want to learn on the fly. It’s like homemade sushi: I could probably figure it out if I had to, but it seems dangerous, and a real pain in the ass, and I’d rather leave it to a professional. Also, congratulations Abraham for the second perfect metaphor of this half season involving poop. You truly are a poet, but apparently only one who speaks about stuff that comes out of butts.

7) Doctor Lady Horror Nights

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HELL TO THE NO WITH THIS SCARY-ASS ROOM. Not down. You know the emoji with the girl who has her arms crossed in an X? Twelve of those emojis in a row for this room. This creepy room can hit the bricks, why did Doctor Lady go in there in the first place? It’s not like Joe Rogan was on the other side with a check. I don’t even totally know what’s going on in this terror dungeon. Someone with a cast on their leg ate a baby then wrote the shortest scary poem of all time on the wall with a crayon? Get out of there, Doctor Lady! Go … mope on the floor outside surrounded by corpses?

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“Day three of Zombie Bonnaroo. My phone is dead and I can’t find my friends.”

Solid upgrade. White people do the strangest things and I say this as a white person who does strange things all the time. I own two copies of Bio-Dome on DVD. Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.

8) Not The Best Place To Scream At Each Other About Nothing

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So after surviving the creepiest room we’ve ever seen on the show, and narrowly avoiding death in the pursuit of 16% of the warm sodas in a dirty cooler, Doctor Lady continues her parade of good choices and decides this is a great place to scream-talk about nothing. Did anyone else get the feeling she forgot what she was talking about in the middle of her rant and just kind of kept rambling? Everyone on the show is always making these grand speeches about the way things are; I think she just thought it was her turn. Make it stop!

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Uh, I just meant cut her off and tell her we can talk about this later, not put a damn arrow through her brain. Oh well! It was nice knowing you, Doctor Lady! Looks like someone else in town will have to read three pages of a textbook and instantly become as qualified as you were to repair humans.

9) Talk Shit? Dick Bit.

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I know a lot of people only watch this show for the gore and the action, but I’m in it for the character development. Like when Eugene, a once meek soul inching his way through this apocalypse, developed into a character last night who could bite another man’s dick because his new ponytail gives him strength.

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This is how I feel when I read some of your Facebook comments.

I don’t totally remember this guy who got his wiener muched on. I know we’re supposed to remember this guy, but I don’t. Sorry! Sorry not sorry. Maybe this is one of many reasons why half-seasons are a bad idea? I went back through my (poorly written) recaps and found the episode where Daryl saved this dude and it all came rushing back.

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Alright, well he stole Daryl’s bike and crossbow and got two rows of teeth firmly lodged around his penis. That seems like a fair action to reaction ratio. Tune in next week! What else will Eugene add to his skill set? I’m terrified to find out. Will Carol’s plan to run away and manufacture her own cigarettes pay off? It seems like a lucrative venture. Is Carl the new town doctor? Sure! Why not. Carl’s the new doctor and he already got his own medical drama spinoff called Better Not Call Carl and the fans love it because of all the subtle references to the original show! Did you hear the bell ding at the end of that last scene? Bravo, Vince! None of this and more on s06e15 of The Walking Dead!

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