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March 18, 2012

Interview with 100% real fake rappers.

T. Boneher, the famous hip-hop star that introduced two number one singles Smack a Bitch and Poontang Man is Something I Fuck with, has recently been working on a new album in collaboration with new artist Sugar Meth. The album will arrive to stores on Tuesday, but I am about to get some details on their lives and what there is to expect in their upcoming album.

D: It is an absolute pleasure meeting you two. Boneher, you obviously have quite the reputation in the industry, considering your massive sales and two platinum records. But before I ask about your upcoming album, what made you go into the rap business in the first place?

T: I didn’t choose to rap. Playa I was born to rap. The first words I spit out was drop them panties. I was born with the tools and my life gave me something to use my tools on. First off, I was given birth by two crackheads and was the nephew of a man who liked to touch me. My neighborhood was so tough that every time I went to the video store some dude would be running out with the cash register. Man I always had to be packin heat. I would have to blast some bitches even walkin with my grandmother. One dude tried getting in my grill trying to sell me hot dogs and shit, so I shot that fucker in the balls. My one song Yo Balls Got Wrecked was based off of that. It was all this shit I been through that gave me the ability to come up with the dopest lyrics to make me what I am today.

D: Your life certainly sounds like an ordeal. Most people say that your most inspired/best song is Nigga Nigga Please Help Me. What motivated you to make that song?

T: Shit, you white boys think that’s my best song (chuckles). I wrote that shit after I smoked a half ounce blunt. Surprised you didn’t say Smack a Bitch. But anyways, what made me spit that gold was a terrible circumstance that happened to me as a boy. I was walkin down a street in South Side with my pop in a place I’ve never been before. I was walking right next to my pop down the sidewalk and literally turned my head for a second. The next thing I know, my dad was gone, off smoking crack somewhere. I was in a real panic and began askin people around me where my dad went. Some people told me to fuck off and others just laughed at me. I went up to this one guy and asked him for help, but instead, he went and shot me in the arm. That’s the shit that backed the deep meaning behind the song.

D:  Well that certainly sounds unfortunate, but through that misfortune you literally made a fortune. Sugar Meth, you are relatively new to main stream rapping. People say you were a huge hit underground, what made you pursue professional free styling? But first would you kindly put down the bottle of robitussin?

S: For starters, I wanted a large variety of pussy at my disposal twenty four seven. What a better way than being a fly rapper? Mane, my mouth be chompin that pussy and spitin diamonds everyday. HOLLA.

D: Is that all that motivated you? Just constant sex?

S: Also money for meth. Shit’s expensive.

D: Very straightforward I see. Back in February there was a news story in which you supposedly tried to steal from a liquor store by carrying a bottle in your pants. Could you enlighten me on what exactly occurred during that incident?

S: The media is straight up crazy. The dumbass at the counter mistook my pole for a bottle. How do you think all the ladies come back at me? I stole nothing from that store. The cops did however confiscate my meth bulb.

D: What do you think is your best song? Please stop slapping my intern’s breasts. Remain focused, please.

S: The best one I made hands down has got to be Booty Drop. Its lyrics are straight up genius. Hearing the bass as I drop ‘B-bounce yo booty, B-bounce yo booty’ is possibly one of the sickest beats ever in any song. It really goes well with the fire comin out my mouth, like when I spit ‘I be smoking blunt, with my finger in her cunt’. How could that not get me fame? It’s absolutely boss. HOLLA.  

D: I see... So Boneher, how did you first meet Sugar Meth?

T: It first started when I was walkin through L.A and Sugar Meth came up to me and asked for a Newport. I didn’t know who he was, so I told him to get out of my way or I was gonna beat his ass. He called me a used cunt rag and we were ready to fuck each other up. But before shit got real, he saw my bling and recognized who I was. He then told me who he was and soon enough we were tight. I heard him in my studio and Booty Drop was really ballin. Next thing I know we were workin together and created a masterpiece.

D: Speaking of your new album, what can we expect from your latest work? Sugar Meth, can you please stop rolling that joint.

T: I don’t wanna spill too much shit out, but I’ll tell ya one song we have collaborated on. It’s called Bash Yo Head then Give me Head. When your bitch refuses to go down, get her ass in line. A smack to the head and she’ll do what she’s told. Sugar Meth got the beat and I got the words. Ya’ll gonna jiz yourselves. Yo pass me some of that dank Sugar.

S: Aight. That’s all we gonna say. Ya’ll go out and buy our album when it comes out. My hookers don’t pay for themselves.

D: Well thank you gentlemen for coming in. T. Boneher and Sugar Meth’s latest album will be out Tuesday, so get ready to purchase it. In the meantime, go ahead and listen to their music. Sugar, stop doing lines off of the intern’s ass.