Full Credits

Written by Ryan Perez

Stats & Data

February 14, 2009

Joy Behar of TV's The View, will you be my Valentine?

What? Why not?

Oh, you're married? I didn't know that.  

Well, do you think I could just hang out with you and your husband this Valentine's Day. I'm really lonely and could use the company of a nice couple this Saturday.

Oh, you're going to dinner- just you and your husband? Well, surely it wouldn't hurt to have a third person tag along. Right? I would be very quiet at the table and order very little.

The reservation is only for two? OK, I get it! You don't want me to come to dinner. But let me ask you this. As long as you're spending this evening out, is it OK if I stay at your house while you're gone? It would be nice to be in a house that had a lot of family photos- so I can pretend that family is mine.

Geez, you don't have to jump down my neck! I was just asking. It's not like I asked you if I could come over to your house and jerk off. I'm not some kind of weirdo.

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day!