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Stats & Data

July 15, 2011

fake news article from www.GlobalNewsNetwork.us


Yesterday concluded several months of voting for Hotel Magazine’s annual best and worst list. Taking top prize for a record fifth year in a row in the category of best hotel to murder prostitutes in was the Hotel Pennsylvania located just a block away from famed Mecca, Madison Square Garden. Hotel management could not be happier and felt validated for what they considered a year of “very hard work.” When questioned about his reaction to the good news Director of Public Affairs Richard Carlisle spoke with enthusiasm, “it’s not just good but rather amazing news. To know that of all the hotels in this city to murder prostitutes in we were selected as the benchmark makes us all very proud. And that it was the result of a public vote just makes it that much sweeter.”

Competition was strong this year with several front runners mostly located along the New Jersey Turnpike. Long time magazine editor Eric Stevens was not surprised however, “sure you can go to a Holiday Inn or a Super 8, but if you really want to get that good old fashioned bloodlust for murdering whores out of your system you have to get a room at the Pennsylvania. It has and will continue to outlast any other popular trend.”

Voters credited the hotel’s dedicated staff, location, and detachable shower curtains as top reasons for their choice. The hotel unfortunately fared far worse in other categories including Least Likely to Witness a Murder and Won’t Get Raped by the Handyman.

All in all another banner year for the historic establishment. Magazine editor Eric Stevens continued, “sure you can stay at The Plaza or the Ritz Carlton if you want that luxurious experience, but if you’re like me and that guy whose neighbors never would have suspected there’s no choice but the Hotel Pennsylvania.” If no rooms happen to be available similar locations were listed as the Queens Motor Lodge on Queens Boulevard and the back of that abandoned 1992 Ford Taurus.