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June 22, 2015

Skinny dicked water bottle lovers are advised to not fuck Niagara brand water bottles due to possible E. coli contamination.

Water bottle fuckers, be advised! The water bottle company Niagara just issued a major recall of over a dozen major brands of commonly fucked bottled water after discovering E. coli in one of their springs. So far no injuries or infections have been reported, but the company is recommending you DO NOT stick your thin little dicks in the following brands of bottled water:

  • Acadia
  • Acme
  • Big Y
  • Best Yet
  • Bottle Lover’s Select
  • 7-11
  • Niagara
  • Nature’s Place
  • Pussy of the Lake
  • Pricerite
  • Superchill
  • Morning Fresh
  • Aquafuckhole
  • Shaws
  • Shoprite
  • 99CentWomb
  • Western Beef Blue
  • Wegman’s
  • Wawa’s Male Wet Relief Zone

Niagara is advising those who have already bought their bottled water to boil the water for one minute to kill the bacteria before letting it cool, pouring the water back in its bottle, and swishing your skinny penis around till orgasm.

Medical experts are reminding “Bottle Freaks” that even if you don’t have an open wound on your penis, the Escherichia coli bacteria can still infiltrate the body through the penis hole. It is still OK to fuck any water bottle if you wear a condom as long as the condom is thrown away and not eaten after intercourse.

Women planning to fuck these bottles may still jam it up their vaginas normally as long as they don’t open the bottles. But, as always, wipe that bottle down first, ladies.