Welcome back to the recap series that answers the question “Hey what happened in Fargo season 3?”
This week we have hidden sci-fi novels, butts that could crack nuts, and tampons. Definitely tampons.
The Principle of Restricted Choice in contract bridge states that if a player plays a particular card, it decreases the probability that the player holds any equivalent card. For example, if I pay my rent on the first, it decreases the probability that I have enough money to cover my rent next month.
1) Toronto Cain - Psychic Ranger
The accidental death of Ennis Stussy uncovered a mystery he’d tried to keep secret. Something more shameful than murder or kidnapping doing improv:
He was a goddamn science fiction writer named Thaddeus Mobley. And an award winning writer at that.
Ennis thought he could get away with it too but fate has a way of sorting itself out; I learned that watching the documentary “Final Destination.”
Could this connect to the alien activity from last season? Did Thaddeus see some shit?
Who is the woman in the photo from the lock box?
IS SHE AN ALIEN TOO?
2) Is This A Thing?
In any other show when things keep happening to a character I’d just assume it was a fun character quirk, like how Joey had brain damage on “Friends.“
But on a show full of mysteries and aliens and snow every time something weird happens I’m going to wonder: is this a thing?
So are automatic doors not opening and cell phones never working for Gloria a thing? Or is this her brain damage? If she starts asking everyone “How you doin’” next episode I believe we will have some answers.
3) Any idea what the VM stands for?
If you ever apply for a job and one of the requirements is “attention to detail” it’s because the people that already work there are idiots and need someone to clean up their mess.
If you were to apply for a job at Stussy you’d have to have a family connection to details because the guys that run the place borrow large sums of money from men with beans for teeth and don’t even bother to stop to ask what the guy’s name is.
Emmit and Sy also believe they can force VM Varga to take his money and go away, proving they still aren’t paying attention to details.
Boys, you brought toenail clippers to a gun fight.
4) “You’re the Goddamn Parking Lot King of Minnesota.”
He’s had this nickname the whole time and we’ve been calling him Emmit? Why do we even know his real name if a treasure filled title like “goddamn parking lot king of Minnesota” has been floating out there for us?
4) Ctrl + Alt + Delete
The Windows key has the Windows logo from 2012 on it. This show takes place in 2010. What kind of Anachronistic Trash are they trying to sell us here?
Or maybe this is because of aliens too. IS THIS A THING?
5) Old People of Facebook
Irv! Never “click to download information!” Don’t you watch Fox News? This is how Hilary Clinton killed Benghazi!
BONUS) VMVarga.com is live
6) Do You Think It’s Slave Girls?
Sy thinks it’s slave girls.
7) County Cop V Country Cop: Dawn of Justice
County Cop is a dick! So what if Gloria hates computers and still sends Telexes and only has a rotary cell phone and puts perps in a storage closet instead of a jail cell, does that mean she’s bad at her job?
According to County Cop it does cuz County Cop has a laptop and a Facebook profile and a rotary iPhone and those are the things that make a REAL police.
Then Gloria waltzes off to the convenience store where she just polices herself all over the damn place, nailing down Maurice’s actions and motivation within minutes.
BOOM. I’d like to see you do that with a text message, County Cop!
8) But CAN you make meth from frozen orange juice concentrate?
9) “On account of vermin.”
The way Ray says this makes me think this excuse happens a lot in his life.
“Sorry I’m late; vermin took my keys and I had to get them back.”
“I would have called you back sooner but vermin took the message and didn’t give it to me until today.“
“Can I blow dry my hair at your house? Vermin ran up my bill and the power company turned off my electricity.”
10) Clean Filth
This is why we have dirty words; that way good words like “nutcracker” and “caboose” and “butter her bread” can just mean what they mean and not mean an overweight parole officer slurping down a bowl of cereal wants to wriggle around in an attractive woman.
11) Unfathomable Pinheadery
With Ray being consumed by getting away with murder it’s up to Nikki to keep her eye on their real goal - becoming champion bridge players with real sponsorship.
Mary Elizabeth Winstead owns this show. She gets amazing lines (“Con. What a negative word”) and plays Nikki with laser focus and charisma. By the end of the scene even I agreed that you cannot fight a blood feud when you’re trying to land a big time sponsor. Jesus Ray, Burt Lerdsman is gonna see right through your blocked up chi!
12) All In The Family
The Goddamn Parking Lot King of Minnesota, Ray, and Corvette have a long talk. Corvette finds a way to bring them together, finally healing the wounds from years gone by. Corvette knows people.
What starts as a con becomes real clarity for Ray as he does actually move past he feelings towards his brother. The joy on his face as he’s about to get in Corvette is palpable and leads to a delightfully awkward hug/handshake moment with The Goddamn Parking Lot King of Minnesota.
The Stussy brothers are nothing if not self-sabatoging though; pride and entitlement are going to be the death of at least one of them this season.
13) The Tampon IS The Message
It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the tampons.
14) Who’s The Ass Now?
The Stussy boys feud has become a proxy war. Ray and The Goddamn Parking Lot King of Minnesota are a lot more alike than they think, down to the company they keep. Sy and Nikki both love and see purpose in their respective Stussy and see their assistance as a means to their own ends. Both are ambitious as hell, doggedly determined to achieve whatever goals they set.
But they’re also reckless.
Sy’s dreams of expansion drove he and The Goddamn Parking Lot King of Minnesota to make a deal with what might be the actual devil. It’s definitely going to lead them to disaster.
Nikki’s dreams of bridge conquest drive her to leave her tampons in drawers of people by whom she’s felt slighted. It’s lost Ray the closure he’d needed in his life for so long.
The Stussys might be in different economic strata, but they still find a way to surround themselves with the same types of people.
So who’s the ass now? Both of them.
15) Do Not Search For VM Varga
In Soviet Russia, VM Varga search for you!
16) Corvette NOOOOOOOOOOOO
WHY GOD WHY
WHY GOD WHY
WHY GOD WHYYYYYYY
Sy, you have made a mortal enemy of me this day.
17) Varga Moves In
Does anyone else feel slimy just hearing VM Varga talk? I feel like a snake just whispered weird sex secrets about my neighbors when he talks.
“Lie back and enjoy yourselves”? I don’t think anyone has ever done that with you, Mr. Varga.
Sy and The Goddamn Parking Lot King of Minnesota have fallen down a rabbit hole and it’s not until Varga dangles the carrot of ambition in front of them that they realize how far down the hole they are. Varga describing them as potential billionaires is going to dangle in their heads like wind chimes until they compromise themselves to the point of no return.
You’re trapped, fellas.
18) Bing Crosby Treated His Family Like Shit
Ural Cossacks Choir - Kalinka (feat. Uzory)
Dakhabrakha - Sho z-pod duba
Bing Crosby - The Christmas Song
Gogol Bordello - American Wedding
That’s it for this episode. We will see you after episode three. Until then the boys are gonna stay here and keep you company.