or
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1 Die Votes
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Published April 23, 2013

 

To begin with, you, the reader, don't know me, you don't know where I live or work, you do not know who I work with. I wanted to make that perfectly clear before I started.
 
This is for the benefit of  !&$% *#@*?% who shall be referred to from now on as Fuck Stump. Fuck Stump is a sales person while I deliver his colossal, ball dropping-ly difficult, cluster fucks. 
 
Hello Fuck Stump, don't get upset, I am trying to help you. I want to help you because I have noticed that you have been having difficulty doing your job. Specifically  "Space" and "Dimensions". Space, from the Latin spatium meaning "space, distance", is defined as a three-dimensional expanse available for use. Dimension, from the Latin dimetiri "to measure out", is defined as the measurement of the size of something. Define, from the Latin definire "to limit, determine", means to give meaning to words. Words, from the Middle English, Old English, Old Frisian, Old Saxon word, Old High German wort, Old Norse orth, Gothic waurd, is defined as the meaningful unit of language sounds. Three, this is easy, hold your hand in front of your face with the fingers up. Now take your thumb and touch your pinky nail, the remaining fing .. no no don't use your other hand, thumb and pinky on the same hand. The fingers that are still up, that is three!
 
There is a tool that would help you get the proper "dimensions" of a "space" available in a multitude (a lot) of stores called a tape measure. I will now attempt to explain the operation of this ancient technology . At the base of the case you will notice a metal tab, pulling that tab will expose the measuring tape. On said tape you will notice numbers and little marks. Caution some tape measures have two sets of numbers, put them down. These will cause your alcohol addled, excrement filled cavity behind your eyes to explode. Now find a "space" extend tape until the tab is at one end of the space and the case is past the other end. Now read the number at that end of the space and you now have the length. That is one dimension, others are width (measure front to back), and height (measure from floor to top of object or space). Actual measuring is a little more involved  but that's enough to get you close and I can see your getting sleepy. 
 
Good night Stumpy and if you should come across some lead paint chips please eat as many as you can. Or if you need to relax take a nice long bath and take a TV or radio with you, even a toaster . Alright you get out of here you bloated, dishonest scamp.
 
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