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June 29, 2012

a man tries to out-gay himself for coming out at his family's summer reunion


After trying on all of his gayest clothes in preparation for coming out to his extended family during its annual July 4th reunion this upcoming weekend, Bartleby Wankelmunde III voiced his doubts to his young Chicano lover, saying that choice of outfit was, “Simply not as gay as it needs to be to prove to my idiot relatives just how serious I am about this whole homosexual thing.” Bartleby, aged 38, scion of the Wankelmunde family and its only hope for producing a male offspring (for the sake of name-preservation), pranced around the room for a bit with his member dressed in ribbons, to see if that would make things better. But, even after a game of catch and a lengthy bout of tickle-fighting with Ramon, an 18 year old legal immigrant from Guatemala, Mr. Wankelmunde could not shake the feeling that he was failing to fully highlight the extent of his gayness. “I mean, just look at this blouse – it's not even sequined, ruffled, pleated, or of a silken sheen,” Bartleby said, pulling at the sleeves of the vintage woman's dress-shirt he had just pulled onto his shaved, tanned torso. “We need to go back to the hobby store and find some fabric that will make these clothes pop. I shall do all of the sewing, and don't worry, my little Guatemalan man-lover, I will buy you food later and – see? I have not forgotten – make sure you get to your grandmother's house before sundown, as is traditional for persons of your tribe to do on somebody's eightieth birthday, but, for right now, let's get this gay show on the gay road. Vamos!” While it is not exactly clear just what occurred at the reunion or how the family received its eldest male of birthing age's super-duper gay news, unconfirmed reports indicate that Ramon has been invited to next year's festivities, provided he and Bartleby are still together and provided that Bartleby stop making constant references to pushing in people's stools.


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