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November 03, 2015

What happens when God's team loses?

Kansas City, Missouri Within a few hours of the Kansas City Royals defeating the New York Mets in the World Series frogs fell from the heavens and pummelled the city without mercy. The barrage lasted for hours. Many of the amphibians were killed immediately on impact, but there were so many survivors that the city streets were soon filled with roaming herds consisting of native as well as foreign frogs. Panamanian golden frogs, European fire-bellied frogs, and the American Bull frog – to name only a few species – joined forces and paralyzed the metropolis.

Scientists are collectively scratching their heads at the cause of the Frog-pocolypse.

However, the devout in New York City know in their hearts that God is a Mets fan.

“I prayed and prayed for our boys to sweep the field of the bums,” stated Brooklyn native Andrew Kinnard. “When that didn’t happen, I prayed for God to get biblical on those whores of Kansas City/Babylon.”

Kansas City residents flocked to their Bibles to get a first hand understanding of what frog-based horror God had wrought on the Egyptians. They were not happy.

… I will send a plague of frogs on your whole country. The Nile will teem with frogs. They will come up into your palace and your bedroom and onto your bed, into the houses of your officials and on your people, and into your ovens and kneading troughs. The frogs will come up on you and your people and all your officials.’” – Exodus 8:2-4

Kansas City police were flooded with calls from local bakers, donut shops, and grocery stores with reports that frogs had infiltrated bread, bagels, and, yes, even birthday cakes. Several eye witness reports tell of angry amphibians bursting out of Boston Cream Pies and mercilessly tearing apart innocent bystanders.

“It was horrible. And now I have a wart on my thumb,” stated one lucky survivor.

No one knows how God’s team could have lost the World Series. Angry theists in Kansas City have mobbed churches and synagogues in order to find answers. A variety of unsatisfying responses from religious authorities include: Because of freewill; It’s a broken world; and It’s a mystery.

Jewish religious experts are quick to point out that things could be a lot worse.A lot.

“Listen, you should all be happy with frogs. Go read the Book of Job and grow some beytsim,” stated the elderly Mr. Laitman who was waiting for soup at the local deli.

For the time being Kansas City is in the grip of God’s cold blooded judgement.

NFL franchises are preparing for the worst.

More craziness at: Laughing in Disbelief