Full Credits

Stats & Data

35Funny
118Die
5,189
Views
June 07, 2017
Published
Description

The things that drew me in are what ultimately drove me away.

It’s the City That Never Sleeps. The Big Apple. Gotham. But even the most exciting city in the world grates on you after awhile. So, after moving here for college and spending the subsequent entirety of my adulthood here, I decided that it was time for a change: I’m leaving New York. Here are a few of the reasons why.

1. Everybody looked at me funny when I would sing the Alicia Keys hook from “Empire State of Mind” all day, every day. I mean, is this not New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of?

2. Going up and down Manhattan’s many steep hills left me feeling dizzy and perpetually out of breath.

3. It costs so much to live In New York that you have no choice but to live with roommates.And almost 40 percent of the 25 roommates with whom I shared a two-bedroom apartment were total dicks.

4. It’s a very expensive city to live in. Let’s put it this way—I made around $450,000 a year, and if I saved my pennies, once or twice a year I could treat myself to one of those famous, gigantic, cheap burritos over in Brooklyn’s historic Mission District.

5. When it’s all you can afford to eat because the cost of living is so high, Rice-A-Roni is anything but “the New York City treat.”

6. I could never get tickets to the games of my favorite team, the Giants. And what’s New York without baseball?!

7. I also love Broadway, but I couldn’t ever seem to get tickets to any of the hot shows. In fact, it seems as it New York’s famous theater district doesn’t actually exist anymore. I guess Broadway closed?

8. Absolutely nothing to do on the weekends but make a day trip out to Wine Country.

9. That ‘60s song, “If You’re Going to New YorkCity, Make Sure to Wear Some Flowers in Your Hair” is really hard to follow to the letter. It’s almost impossible to find flowers in New York during the winter months.

10. They’re funny at first, but after a while, one tires of all the cheap and easy jokes about New York City’s less glamorous neighbor state of Oregon.

11. Those famous New York City Cable Cars are always packed with tourists.

12. The traffic is just unbearable. It took me two-and-a-half hours each morning to get to my job at the New York Times over in San Jose.

13. I’m actually allergic to sourdough bread, the food most synonymous with New York City.

14. There were depressing metaphors about the passage of time all over the place. For example, every day, I’d look out ontoNew York Harbor and I’d see the famous prison island of Alcatraz, and every day it seemed to sink into the sea just a little bit more.

15. I mean, if I could even see Alcatraz. It’s so maddeningly foggy in New York! Six days out of seven it was too thick to see even the Golden Gate Bridge, which is New York’s most notable landmark.

Advertisement