Full Credits

Stats & Data

September 11, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

Police in Malaysia discovered a car wash offering free sex after nine washes. In related news, who knew you could hang those tree-shaped air fresheners on anything?

The mayor of Trenton, N.J., has been arrested for corruption. Surprising many residents who thought he'd been arrested a year ago.

Actors Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively got married on Sunday. Friends wished them a life together full of health and happiness and no "Green Lantern" sequels.

Former "Today" show anchor Ann Curry is currently reporting from Syria. Viewers say it's been the best coverage they've ever seen that was also a punishment for insulting Matt Lauer.

Lady Gaga's raw meat dress from 2010 is on display at the National Museum of Women in the Arts in Washington, D.C. It's a little hard to find though--it's sandwiched between two other exhibits.

On Monday, the United States officially handed control of Baghram prison over to the Afghan government. Just in case though, NATO put together a worst-case scenario video.

According to the BBC, the prison holds over 3,000 Taliban and terrorism suspects. "Wow, that many?" said the U.S.

$18 billion in AIG stock is being sold off by the U.S. government. For some reason though, no one has the money to buy it.

Singer Lana Del Rey appears naked in the next issue of British GQ. She appears as comfortable as she does on stage, which is to say, not very.

Toys R Us is launching its own tablet computer for children. Finally, a tablet computer for children, by children.

An Internet rumor says Miley Cyrus is pregnant and may appear alongside "Jersey Shore" star Snooki on a reality TV show. News that has given many pro-life advocates a moment of pause.