As Dark Shadows hits theaters, Johnny Depp is in serious hot water with America’s white people for playing yet one more character in complete 'whiteface.’ Representatives for CAUCS (the Caucasians Against Undermining Caucasians Society) are outraged at what they see as Depp’s complete insensitivity towards their/his race.
"When Edward Scissorhands came out and he had the pasty white face, we didn’t think anything of it because it seemed right for the part," remarked CAUCS president Tucker F. Sinclair III, Esq. "But then he just kept getting whiter and weirder with each movie, and now it’s clear he’s become some sort of modern day, reverse Al Jolson. It’s truly offensive, and we demand he stop immediately.”
Mr. Depp responded in a press release saying, “I have the utmost respect for white people. I am a white person myself. But as an artist I have to follow my passion. And for the last two decades that passion has been ‘whiteface.’ I won’t stop.”