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January 18, 2012

Jeff Foxworthy's website has been completely neglected for the past few years.

Jeff Foxworthy has both rabid fans and harsh critics. But that's not what this is about. Your love or hate for Jeff foxworthy won't enter into the equation here. What we will breifly explore will not be critiques of Jeff Foxworthy himself. Instead, this will be an acknowlegement of the unadulterated disaster that is Jeff Foxworthy's website.

Allow me to first direct your attention to what might be the saddest screen shot from all of the internet.

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That is undeniably a terrible redneck joke. "Lscgid" isn't even a word. Come ON, JeffFoxworthy.com. And if you think that the site was just down for a day and I'm needlessly picking on Jeff Foxworthy for no reason, here's a screen shot from back in 2009. And, yes, I have been keeping track of this for over two years.

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Now, what's really interesting about this one is that Win32 Error Codes one through forty nine actually still lead to hilarious redneck jokes.  But Win32 Error Code = 50....Jeez Louise.  Not funny at all.   It's just a major failure to execute CGI.

The fact that the site hasn't updated it's "Redneck Joke of the Day" is just one among a number of problems, though. Another problem is that the cartoon guy in the middle of the site's logo has an ass for a stomach. If we're ranking problems by weird grossness, that is actually the worst problem.

And yet another problem... This:

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Haha. Remember that logo? That's the logo next to all of the videos on his "multi-media page" I tried clicking on one today. My computer was like, "What the fuck are you talking about?" If your computer still has a Real Video player installed on it... you... well, there's no other way to say it... you might be a redneck.

In fairness to the JeffFoxworthy.com web design, I will say that the sounds that play when you roll your cursor over the links on the side of the homepage are genuinely good. When you put your cursor over the "multi-media" tab, you get to hear Jeff Foxworthy sing the words, "Hear meeeee, se mee-eee, everything but feeeeel me," and he FUCKING NAILS IT. I don't know how to not sound sarcastic here after all the previous snark that's taken place, but it is geuniely awesome. Please do go check it out:  Jeff Foxworthy's Web Site