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Published January 26, 2013

 

Nothing ruins an otherwise pleasant evening like a debate about the rapper Pitbull. Some love him, some hate him, some don’t understand why others are talking about a dog breed as though it’s a person. So instead of engaging in yet another heated, chardonnay-fueled exchange about Pitbull’s oeuvre, I’d like to assess his career in the most objective and sophisticated way possible – via a Pros & Cons list.

Pros:

- Smart enough not to have chosen Siberian Husky or Golden Retriever as your rap name

- More likely to get away with defecating on someone’s front lawn than other humans

- Free Bud Light for life

- A shoo-in for the Bringing Khaki Back award

- Excellent eyesight thanks to NASA-tested aviator sunglasses

- Can always just make another music video if you haven’t gotten any tail in a while

- Get honorary dog cage from the NAPBTA (National American Pit Bull Terrier Association)

- No need to explain why it’s not you in those Dos Equis commercials

- Infinite possibilities for crank calls since your name is also a kind of dog

- Open invitation to visit the Wal-Mart in Kodiak, Alaska

- Don’t appear to get any razor burn

Cons:

- No chance of falling back on babysitting if the music thing doesn’t work out

- People always assume you’re on your way to a yacht party and ask if they can come

- Cry whenever you watch “Teen Wolf”

- Bono beat you to the punch on the always-wearing-sunglasses thing by a good 30 years

- You have to keep up the Bud Light bit even though your favorite drinks are Miller 64 and sangria

- Your detractors call you Pussybowl

 

What did I miss?

Originally published on TheImpersonals.com

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