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July 06, 2016
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The man up north knows a thing or two about heading south.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau might be leading the country to our north, but we get a tingly feeling he might also know his way around our southern parts. In other words, there is plenty of evidence that Justin Trudeau is good at cunnilingus. Consider the following:


1) He Is So Handsome

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Lord knows women have been put through so much on this earth from unequal pay to edible panties. So when a man this handsome and sane comes around, the only possible reason for his creation is that he is God’s way of saying, “hey baby, I’m sorry for all the Anderson Coopers out there who I made so handsome and sane but don’t eat box, this one is on me.” Also, yes, I am declaring that God created gay people, DEAL WITH IT and kneel at our crotch altars.


2) He Speaks French

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He speaks French, the language of love and ladies LOVE being orally pleased. In Franchois, cunnilingus is referred to as brouter le cresso, which roughly translates to “to graze the watercress.” Uhh yeah, it’s been grazed and the flood gates have OPENED. Whoosh!


3) He Is Great At Parties

This is a video of him explaining a fun party trick he enjoys doing, which is falling down a flight of stairs. The clitoris is actually known as the staircase to heart, so if you see Justin at the bottom of your staircase, just yell “I’m coming!”


4) The Look On His Wife’s Face

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This is the glowing face of a woman who has personally put the O! in O! Canada!


5) He Is Canadian

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Canadians are notoriously polite. And the utmost display of good manners is making sure your guest is comfortable and satisfied. It ain’t a party if only one person comes to it.


6) This Photograph

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Please file under, “strategic use of tongue as well as certified credentials to muff dive.”


7) The National Animal Of Canada Is The Beaver

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And boy oh boy does Trudeau love his country.


8) He Was Born On Christmas

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So ya know that not only is he good at opening boxes, he knows how to make you jingle all the way to completion. As a faithful Christian woman, this is important to me.


9) He Is Proud

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Last week, Trudeau became the first sitting Prime Minister to march in a pride parade. And I just came with pride while sitting on Justin Trudeau. Was that too much of a stretch? Well, try expanding your fragile male ego every once in awhile to accommodate non-heteronormative displays of sexuality!

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