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August 19, 2009


 Ray Ray - by Alyssa Ball.

   Remember back when Creed had one of the best selling albums in the world, yet it was impossible to find one person who would admit to liking the band?  Today the same shame (rightfully) must be attached to liking Rachael Ray, because she seems to bug everyone, but she is all over the place.     
    If you are a fan of Rachael Ray, I demand that you explain yourself.  I desperately want in on the secret of this woman’s appeal.  I can better understand Paris Hilton’s fame than I can understand how America can endure little miss energetic.
   This morning I watched Rachael Ray’s talk show.  This is shocking news to those of you who know of my deep seated hatred for Rachael.  My watching just a few minutes of her cooking show results in homicidal fantasies that involve Rachael’s face meeting her ubiquitous grill pan. 
   I just can’t understand what she is doing with a national show.  It certainly isn’t her cooking prowess that got her on TV; most of her recipes consist of a revolutionary idea such as adding a slice of cheese on top of a hamburger patty and then behaving as if she discovered the theory of relativity.  So if it isn’t her cooking, I can only conclude that she is actually getting by on her bubbly personality.  But for the love of all things holy, who is attracted to this whirling tornado of crazy?
   I have to explain how I ended up watching her talk show, because, frankly, it is an embarrassing truth to admit to.  I got up this morning, showered, and then realized I couldn’t get dressed.  Having delayed doing laundry one day too many, I found myself out of clean underwear.  No big deal.  I was just going to end up an hour behind on my jam packed schedule of doing nothing.  While waiting for my clean undies, I chose to keep myself occupied with the TV.  However, I am staying with a friend who doesn’t have cable, which meant my viewing choices consisted of an infomercial about vitamins or the Rachael Ray talk show.  I figured Rachael’s show had to be the better option of the two, but I was so very wrong.

    I only made it through about ten minutes, but I absolutely cannot believe how annoying this woman is.  Again, the homicidal impulses kicked in and I envisioned strangling Rachael with her microphone cord or beating her upside the head with one of the cameras.
   I do not get it.  Who is watching this show?  And, more importantly, why?  If you are a Rachael Ray fan, I am desperate to understand.  Please justify yourself.