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Perhaps out of duress, Rihanna has joined her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown on not one, but two songs that you can fist-pump to at the club before you go roofying some chicks.

“Some were worried that people will lose respect for Rihanna by getting back with the man who so shamelessly abused her,” Music Industry Analyst Ty Quando says. “However, studies have shown that no one has any respect for Rihanna, anyway, which means it doesn’t matter. It’s all a publicity stunt to sell more songs that no one not on ecstasy can possible enjoy.”

Rihanna has been inspired by Brown. She’s come out with many songs about being abused by him, listed here:

  • “Rude Boy” Notable lyric: “Give it to me baby like boom boom boom.. Come here rude boy, boy, boy come on beat me up.”
  • “Love The Way You Life” Notable lyric: “Just gonna stand there and watch me burn…But that’s alright, because I love the way it hurts.Just gonna stand there and hear me cry… But that’s alright, because I love the way you lie.”
  • “Only Girl (In the World)” Notable lyric: “Make me feel like I’m the only one in your command… cause I’m the only one who gets slapped by your hand… and that’s what makes you feel like a man.”
  • “What’s My Name?” Notable lyric: “Make me feel like I’m the only one in your command… cause I’m the only one who gets slapped by your hand… and that’s what makes you feel like a man.”
  • “I Got Beat” Notable lyric: “I got beat up in public place. I got beat up in a pubbbblic plaaaaace!”

“Birthday Cake,” one of the two new songs they’ve done together, reinforces that Rihanna thrives off of the abuse.

According to analysis, “I know you want it in the worst way, Can’t wait to blow my candles out,” implies that she may be ready for Brown to beat her to death this time around.

Fans say a romance between the two young artists will work this time, “their baby will be Black & Blue and be on an IV!”

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