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Published January 23, 2009
You didn't like THE SPIRIT. It's because you either don't read comic books or you take them too seriously.

Or, maybe because you really liked Sin City. And you were expecting Sin City 2. Which is not what THE SPIRIT was.

I will respect you if you take comic books seriously. People Should.

THE SPIRIT movie drove me nuts.

Before you read this review, I suggest you read Harrys Knowles review of THE SPIRIT. It is on point, and its hard for harry to write about the film because it made his father so angry. I know A LOT about angry fathers.

You can find his review at his awesome website...

aintitcool.com

Did you read it? Or are you reading this without taking my advice?

Stop. Go Read it. Seriously.

Okay.

You're done now? Good. Here's the truth.

I resemble Denny Colt more than any comic book hero I have ever read (I have read alot and take comic books very seriously, my friends can attest to that)

But why do I take comic books seriously? Mainly because comic books have a special place in my heart. As a child, I was in a terrible accident. It scared my entire family but being the goofy cool kid I was, I bounced back. But I was still afraid. I didn't want to be hurt again. I didn't want to look ugly again. I couldn't express these emotions at the time, mainly because I was in the 1st Grade. I was just obsessed with being percieved as COOL. I've wanted to be normal my whole life, and the only place I have ever felt normal was reading comic books. They're amazing. They really are. You proabably like television or movies more than comic books, but for me? Comic Books will always be number one in my heart.

It was the first time I had ever seen blood (at least from my body).

After I was released from the hospital, my face was mashed to shit. It look like I had the fucking shit beaten out of me by a red enchilada named Knuckles with weird pointy glove things.

My lip was busted, I had about 50 stitches in my face.

I was a freak, at least in my mind. I didn’t know anyone could even look like that. At the time.

Then, my father showed me that Superman died. He handed me the Death of Superman Issue from way back when, and the several issue run called “Reign of Superman” Which was basically every superhero grieving with each other over their collective loss.

I didn’t feel quite so alone anymore.

Even though he was dead, Superman’s face looked like my face. Busted to Shit.

I waited with every issue. Superboy. Man of Steel. Cyborg. I read each editors note and caught up best I could.

Then, he came back.

What? What do you mean he’s alive? You people told me he was dead! What?!?!?

I can’t remember how many times I re-read the part where they explained how he survived using the Kryptonite Suit. Countless Times. Up until recently, I never understood why he came back.

I Understand Why He Came Back From The Dead Now.

But, for the time being, his resurrection was unexplainable. There was really no discernible reason that Superman Came Back To Life.

Just. Like. The. Spirit.

In Millers Grand Comedy, It was Evil that brought the Spirit back to life. It was The Octopus.

Osama Bin Laden. Octopus. Same Thing.

Central City. America. Same Thing.

Buy The Spirit on DVD when it comes out, or even go see it again after reading this. You'll be seeing with new eyes.

Here we go.

The Spirit is The Funniest Comic Book Movie Ever Made. Millers Grand Comedy.

Intrigued?

Let me Finish.

You probably laughed during some of the other great comic book movies that came out this year. Iron Man is a brilliant example, because Robert Downey Jr. Embodies Everything that is Powerful about the Human Spirit. Plus, he's a clever, witty, funny guy.

But Tony Stark? Tony Stark is an alcoholic. I'm grateful that they're taking the franchise in the direction of the Demon In A Bottle Run, because that's where Tony Stark becomes a human character. For the record, the movie was fantastic in my opinion.

It's where Tony Stark stops looing so damn cool.

It's hard for me to talk confidently about that run, because although I have read it, I am still a young man, and I wasn't around when it was initially published.

I apologize for being late to the Party.

I've already lost most of you.

Why?

Most of you people think you are funny. You probably are too, in your element. When you are around friends or trading insults and quips and clever phrase turns with each other, you laugh and make others laugh.

But that doesn't make you a fucking Stand-Up Comedian.

A Fucking Stand-Up comedian goes out in front of a room full of strangers and tries to make them laugh. At least that's how I became a Good Comedian.

I know this to be true.

I am a comedian. Plain and Simple. Have been for quite some time. I have spent the better part of my life trying to make people laugh, and only about 3 weeks ago did I start to truly take myself seriously.

Then, I saw the Spirit, and as someone who loves and reads comic books all the time, It Drove Me Nuts.

Not in an angry way. I wasn't pissed. I loved the film. Still do. Nothing you can say, type, or send to me can change that. Ever.

I'm not close-minded, I just happen to know what I love.

Since I called THE SPIRIT Millers Grand Comedy, I think the only way for you to truly grasp at what I am hinting at is for you to try and understand comedy, on a very simple level.

The first night I ever did stand up was at a dive. It was an open mic, and every other act were long haired guy with an acoustic guitar singing about love. I am not insulting the longhairs, if you have art and want to share it with the world, go ahead and do it. I will never stop you.

I poured my heart out that night. I did my best to express myself and make people laugh at the same time. I think I accomplished my mission that night. I knew it too. I got off the stage and felt like a million bucks. A Slumdog Millionaire, if you will.

I was approached by one man, and he told me that I was the next Lenny Bruce. At the time, I had not heard a single Lenny Bruce Recording, but I knew who he was and I knew that comedians really respected him. It was the single greatest compliment I have ever received.

Then, about 5 minutes later, another person came up to me. He appeared friendly, and patted me on the back. He then gave me some advice that I will never forget.

"Never take the stage again."

I was aghast. Was I wrong? Am I that bad? Do I suck? It was the beginning of the end for me, and I knew it. But, being the talented improviser I am, I humbly turned to my close friends and near strangers with Good Weed and said...

"I guess you can't win em all"

It's a true statement. The story I just told is the story of every critic alive. No matter what any Artist ever does, there will be 2 polar extremes. Someone will Hate It. Someone Will Love It. The Truth is somewhere in the middle. Maybe The Truth is dancing on the edge of either extreme, it's all subjective.

Enough About Me.

THE SPIRIT.

Frank Miller can take comfort in the fact that somewhere out there, a fanboy laughed his ass off.

That's what makes him a great Artist. Artistically, Frank Miller doesn't give a fuck, and I love and respect him for that.

It's the most I have ever laughed in a theatre. Ever. Well, maybe the Time I saw Old School with all my friends back when I was in High School. I almost choked on my popcorn and died that night, just like BUSH choked on the pretzel.

I am not here to tell BUSH jokes. I'm sick of them. Sans Will Ferrell doing BUSH. I will always enjoy that.

The movie is Classic Miller. If you don't get that last statement, it's because you don't truly love comic books.

Even if you do get that last statement, it is my HOPE that at this point, you haven't become too cynical and jaded over the last 8 years. Lord knows I have been cynical and jaded for quite some time.

Do people even enjoy reading comic books? I'm a grown ass young man, and I still love them.

I am not a collector. I am a reader with a nice collection.

For the record, this is less of a movie review and more of a review about how this movie was reviewed. Because people really HATED this movie, and I aim to change that. People were expecting Sin City 2, and instead they got something else. Something Weird. Something Different. Something Cool.

Frank Miller made this movie because of Will Eisner. He trusted no other man to do so, and if you know who Will Eisner is and don't respect him? Go Fuck Yourself.

There is a reason the top award in comics is called the Eisners. You would be smart to not to drag that man's name through the dirt.

I mentioned earlier how I resemble Denny Colt. It's true. I fall in love at the drop of a hat, and the difference between myself and most nerds and geeks is that I am handsome. Something Rare among Constant Comic Book Readers. Don't hate me, I was born this way and if it's any consolation, my good looks and charm have brought me nothing but misery and sadness. And Woman. But any ladies man will tell you, more women doesn't always mean more happiness

I am not trying to sell the movie to you. By this point, most people have already formed their opinion about it.

So I issue a challenge to everyone.

Give The Spirit another chance.

I love comic books and I hope to one day raise a family.

FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT COMIC BOOKS:
Go to a local comic book store and ask for a reccomendation from the oldest guy working there. Or listen to Ambush Bug @ aintitcool.com ..... Both Good Decisions.

At this point, I can hope for people making good decisions.
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