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Published June 23, 2012

 

This is an old post that I am now republishing where I screw with a Nigerian spammer for fun.  It can also be viewed here http://drunktalk.tv/drunkblog/screwing-with-nigerian-spammer/

The email I received said they could approve me for up to $10,000,000 at rates as low as 0.3%. So I decided to express interest and I did in fact receive a reply. The transcript below begins at the point where he is requesting personal information from me. “SPAM” is what he sends to me and “ME” is me replying.

SPAM:

IDENTIFICATION NEEDED:

Furthermore be informed that you will also need a form of
Identification which can be either a Driver’s License or your working
Identity card as well as an International Passport if you have one.
In acknowledgment to this mail, we can start the processing of your
loan.

(asks for my SS number, I give him a fake)

ME:

Attention? what does this mean, I’m starting to wonder if you can actually get me this loan. CAN YOU? I need the money and
I can afford the home, so come on!! Chip chop whitey, send me my approval and my instructions to get the money.

SPAM:

Attention.
We received your mail and the content was duly noted, in your loan application we received, there was know loan duration and scam your Identity card or passport.Before we can process with the loan.

Mr Gibson.

ME:

I want it for 20 years, here is a copy of my Driver’s License, this isnt a great copy, and frankly I think the picture makes me look fat, but hey take it or leave it, you Alibino

(I send a Driver’s License that actually belongs to a convicted Felon that I found in google images. I also modify it in a way that showed little effort for authenticity since I merely super-imposed a new address over it)

[Image]

 

 

ME:

HEY I’ve been waiting for like 6.5 minutes and some seconds, I want my loan approved. Gebby! get me a damn approval or I’ll take my business elsewhere

SPAM:

(this is then sent back, this is part of the crude fake contract that was sent)

LOAN TERMS AND REPAYMENT SCHEDULE:

The loan repayment is based on a monthly basis which consists of the
loan capital and interest rate together. Like it’s written, the loan
duration period is for 20years. So find the interest rate and payment
schedule below:
Loan Balance: $1,000,000.00
Adjusted Loan Balance: $1,000,000.00
Loan Interest Rate: 3.00%
Loan Fees: 0.00%
Loan Term: 20 years
Minimum Payment: $0.00
Monthly Loan Payment: $5,545.98
Number of Payments: 240
Cumulative Payments: $1,331,033.88
Total Interest Paid: $331,033.88
ME:

I have all my bank info ready, I need to get this done NOW! but I want the 2.65% interest rate, you did see how good my credit was right?

(Yeah, this is hilarious, as if a bank will change their rate on some whim)

SPAM:

Loan Balance: $1,000,000.00
Adjusted Loan Balance: $1,000,000.00
Loan Interest Rate: 2.65%
Loan Fees: 0.00%
Loan Term: 20 years
Minimum Payment: $0.00
Monthly Loan Payment: $5,372.41
Number of Payments: 240
Cumulative Payments: $1,289,377.59

ME:

also I wont get my next trust fund check for 6 weeks, I need a grace period of 7 weeks not 4.
(I then start bickering about the grace period)

SPAM:

OK WE HAVE DONE THAT.

ME:

Ok, great! You’re a christian right?
(oh yeah, I went there)

SPAM:

Are you sure you need these loan.

ME:

Oh I do, but I only do business with people who have known Jesus.

SPAM:

YES

ME:

Oh good, what do you like most about Jesus? I think me and you could become great friends, I have some friends who would love to get a loan from you!

1) Bank Name: Smith-Bogus State Bank
2) Bank Address: 4019 N Pulaski Rd, Chicago, IL 60641
3) Account Number: 652359504
4) Account Holder’s Name: Trent Lagoria
5) Swift Code/Routine Number(Optional):
6) Your Personal Mobile Number: 8152244000
ME:

Talk to me, please let me know this isnt a scam, or I’ll walk across the street now and close my account.

SPAM:

Attention:
In may interest you that we have check your ID CARD it has expire we need a valid ID CARD if will most proceed with these loan transfer.

Dr Gibson

ME:

Nah, use that one

SPAM:

Attention:
In may interest you that we have check your ID CARD it has expire we need a valid ID CARD if will most proceed with these loan transfer.

Dr Gibson

(now he’s DR Gibson)

ME:

Yeah it’s valid just use that want sweetie. So what’s your favorite verse from the Bible?

SPAM:

NO AM NOT SURE YOU NEED THESE LOAN

ME:

I gave you my info, now send me the money, what is your problem Gebby?

SPAM:

You are not serious

ME:

I’m super serious, I sent everything, what else do you want, it would take me 4 maybe 5 minutes to get an updated id scanned, what can I do?

ME:

TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO! I need this soooo badly

SPAM:

(he then sends me some contradictary agreement that has this written in it)

If you do not wish to pay upfront
points, you can often obtain a loan with no loan origination fees.
which is $977 Usd once the fees is paid by you, your loan we be
transfer to your nominated bank account in less than 9working hours
and once the payment is made a call we be giving to you as soon as
possible for comfirmation.

ME:

So where do I wire the $977 to?

SPAM:

(sends specific info on how to wire)

SPAM:

As soon as you are done with the transfer you are require to send me the following details needed to verify the payment or send the western union money transfer slip,in the copy of the western union money transfer after payemt is you that will send MTCN to us .

ME:
Wait so is your name Gebson or Gibson?
Your email heading says Gebson, but then your emails say Gibson, who do I send the money to?

SPAM:
Gibson

ME:

OK so after I send this money, I should have the money sent to my bank within 20-30 minutes?
(obviously it’s ridiculous that this would be true, but I wanted to see how close to the lie he would go)

SPAM:

within 2 hour

ME:
ok I’m at the store now about to fill out the Western Union form to send the money
sent from Verizon Blackberry mobile phone
(yeah, I just added this signature, it obviously wasn’t sent from a mobile)
SPAM:

ok waiting

(he thinks I’m going across the street to wire money)

SPAM:

Scam and send the western union money transfer slip.

(he keeps mistaking the word “scam” for “scan” which is almost Freudian)

ME:

SCAM? do you mean to say scan, I dont understand. English is your first language?

SPAM:

I said scan and send the western union money transfer slip for verification.
(as if I can’t read what he typed a minute earlier)

ME:

You’ve mistaken scam, with scan several times. You arent Nigerian are you?
ME:

ANSWER THE QUESTION or I dont send the money

SPAM:

No.If you are serious with loan transfer send it so that we can start the transfer to your account.
ME:

OK Gebby honey, you know I really like talking to you baby, I really like doing business with you and it makes me feel so good to send you this money. I can wait to get my 1,000,000 dollars deposited into my bank account by 11am today. Since as you said it will only take 2 hours. Attached is the slip whitey.

(I attached what looked like a jpg file, but in fact was just a corrupted file that I labeled jpg)

ME:

Did you get it, I’m so excited to get this money!
(at this point he is likely going insane trying to open a file he thinks is worth $977)

ME:

GEBSTER! I sent you the attachment, do you have it!?

ME:

HOW COME YOU HAVENT responded?

SPAM:

You have to re send it again

ME:

one second, here it is, I hope you dont mind that I burned up 3 hours of your day, and am publishing this whole conversation on a website
(this time I send an actual Western Union slip, but it’s a Western Union slip from an investigation I found on google images, where someone had sent money to Nigeria)
[Image]
SPAM:

we want to verify if turely you have make the payment.

ME:
(minutes later, I figure I’ll push his buttons and see how bad the language barrier is)
This isnt funny when you dont realize I’m fucking with your head. That form is just something I got off of Google Images. Do you understand?

SPAM:

We could not open the form yet just wait

ME:

Well keep trying no point in letting the joke die now!
(sent the same bogus form)

ME:

try this one
(sent a picture of three men standing naked next to each other)

SPAM:

FOOL

ME:

what do you mean?

ME:

are we cool, you gonna send my money now!

ME:

whats the status yo!

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