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July 03, 2012

Jared's Rant at the Low Budget Film-Making Process

Dear Independent Film Producers;

I understand that you are all pumped up because your network of dentists and chiropractors finally closed escrow on your $1 Million production budget, but take heed, when you get around to casting the roles please stop asking for "Name Actors Only".
Because trust me, once you eventually do get a hold of Angelina's people and she turns down your offer of "Copy and Credit" for an "Under 5" with "Nudity Required", you're going to NEED us "Non-Names (w/ SAG-Forced middle initials and low self-esteem)" to carry your VISION from its first scene all the way to its final destination at a "self distribution network" near you. And once you do finally compromise, and resign yourself to choosing from OUR lowly ranks...
The best of us will have already booked out as unavailable, so we can be in our friend's Cal State Thesis Film, and at that point you'll only be left with Vanessa Hudgens Knock-Offs. Or if you just wait another year, probably Vanessa Hudgens.