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Confucius.jpgRecently unearthed artifacts from a dig site in central China insinuate that Confucius, the father of Chinese philosophy and ridiculous question-asker, was "Pretty much a total dick" all the time. 

 

Newly translated documents from some of his peers state that "He would always say 'Confucius say...' before everything he said and it was totally annoying." 

 

A stone tablet diary from his college roommate suggested that "That mother fucker ruined like, every episode of Jeopardy" and "He was a real asshole to play Monopoly with." 

 

Accounts from other students reinforce that "The dude used to take his guitar to like, every party... and would only play his own crappy songs."  According to the same text, after a scuffle with his roommate regarding the fact that "You never take care of your fucking dog," Confucius apparently locked his roommate out of their room while he "Put a bunch of fucked up shit on my Facebook page." 

 

And though hard evidence regarding any sort of female companion have yet to be discovered, there were apparently several mentions to his "girlfriend back home" whom nobody has ever met. 

 

Confucius, of course, is know for asking questions without answers such as "Why does everybody hate me?" and "Can you tell her to be quiet, I'm trying to get some sleep?"         

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