It’s wedding tweet season so time to nail down a +1 or be lonely forever!
In My Best Friend's Wedding, they planned to get married if they were both still single at TWENTY-EIGHT.— Abbi Jacobson (@abbijacobson) May 25, 2016
just googled "woman who goes to a lot of weddings" because i was trying to remember some movie but google was like "bitch that's you"— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) October 16, 2015
if you think i'm not gonna wear a cape to your wedding, think again bitch— monica heisey (@monicaheisey) May 2, 2016
I have two weddings to go to this summer pic.twitter.com/SOeEbGBgCi— pilot (@pilotbacon) March 9, 2016
Sorry my entire maid of honor speech was just me staring at the newlyweds for 2 minutes & then whispering "intimacy" too close to the mic.— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 23, 2015
And why are shredded potatoes fine but french fries for breakfast "depressing," STEVEN? Anyway *raises glass* to the bride and groom.— Courtney Bae-l (@CourtneyBale) December 27, 2015
You know "sea foam" is technically whale piss, but yeah this bridesmaid dress is great— ceeks (@70Ceeks) March 15, 2015
"always, always, always the bridesmaid...." pic.twitter.com/5iZQclftF3— campus carrie (@CarriePotter_) July 3, 2015
I hope in my next life I come back as a big guy who surprises everyone at weddings by being an awesome dancer.— Jackie Jennings (@ohhijackie) June 5, 2016
Baby, I'll wait by myself on the buffet line at weddings and text you when we're close to the front. #love— Jo Firestone (@kingfirestorm) May 30, 2016
PRANK: Go to your ex's wedding, and right when they're about to do their first dance, die on the floor.— (((Michael))) (@Home_Halfway) October 22, 2015
My favorite shows are "Say Yes to the Dress" "I Found the Gown" and "I Located the Wedding Apparel That, In My Opinion, You Should Purchase"— Shane (@Shanehasabeard) June 12, 2016
"Sorry, who made your dress, honey?" he asked.— Avery Monsen (@averymonsen) May 24, 2016
"Mice and birds."
Prince Charming looked down at his wedding ring and started to sweat.
I'm terrible at confrontation, so I get rid of phone solicitors the only way I know how: inviting them to my destination wedding.— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) May 21, 2016
A wedding guest list is the single most political thing you will ever do unless you become the President of the United States of America.— Dawn O'Porter (@hotpatooties) March 15, 2012
Considering potential wedding hashtags is the new doodling your first name with his last— Kate (@katethewasp) March 8, 2016
Wow remember when I ruined an outdoor wedding because I pulled up into the wrong parking lot blasting Missy Elliott with the windows down— Shakira (@shakiraaevans) April 17, 2016
I like to comment "hilarious face swap, that's awful" on people's wedding photos.— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) April 23, 2016
the amount of steampunk weddings that pop up on my Facebook feed really make me wonder if I'm the problem— broad city LARPer (@rachelmillman) March 1, 2016
I want my wedding dress to be the exact color and sheen of a stretch mark— Megan Amram (@meganamram) May 20, 2015
is there a company that provides the wedding cake sampling experience but w/o the wedding. I want to eat little bits of lots of cakes— mitski (@mitskileaks) April 6, 2016
Why would you write wedding vows when you have the lyrics for Smooth by Santana featuring Rob Thomas— Conner O'Malley (@conner_omalley) April 22, 2016
Minister: And now your wedding vows— Victor Pope Jr (@VictorPopeJr) January 27, 2016
Groom: A E I O U
Bride: Omg do u ever take anything seriously?
I blanked during my wedding vows and made two references to corn mazes, completely forgetting the other two.— Ceej (@ceejoyner) January 26, 2016
"You're the last name I want to enter into my sex spreadsheet."— Mel Gabor (@melgabored) September 30, 2015
- my wedding vows, probably
As a single person, I have the right to renew my wows. That is, every time asks me if I'm ever getting married, I go WOWwww until they leave— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 13, 2016
Aw bad news I just heard any wedding with a surprise choreographed dance ends in divorce that's sad :(— Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) August 18, 2015