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December 03, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

The pope will soon begin writing his own messages on Twitter. Up to this point he was using young men.

Nancy Pelosi hopes to force a House vote on a Senate-passed bill to avoid the "fiscal cliff." You can tell she means business because she used her "serious cackle."

Egypt's Supreme Constitutional Court announced they are going on strike. Unfortunately, the move was knocked down by Egypt's Supremes Constitutional Court.

Standup comedian Katt Williams was caught on camera slapping a Target employee. Said the employee, "You can't get away with doing that. This isn't Walmart."

New Zealand has abandoned the Kyoto Protocol, saying it doesn't do enough to curb emissions. The Kyoto Protocol promised it would change, but really, it had its chance.

David Letterman was given honors by the Kennedy Center over the weekend. Jay Leno was there too, getting just slightly more honors.

About 1.1 million mustaches were grown as part of the annual Movember annual charity drive. The money will go to support awareness for December, which is Just Stop, No Need to Go Into Awkward Beard Territory Too Month.

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner said that extending tax cuts for the wealthy will cost $1 trillion over 10 years. Warned Geithner, "And if that happens, there will hardly be anything to give to the major banks once they fail again."

Syria's Internet is up and running following a two-day government blackout. Which was still not enough time for guys there to decide if they should join Pinterest.

In Bahrain, reality TV star Kim Kardashian was greeted by fans as well as Muslim protesters when she arrived to launch a milkshake franchise. Indeed, her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but what then?

A magician accidentally lit his head on fire while appearing on a local Dominican Republic TV show. Authorities blame his fire extinguisher for not working properly.