“Our team of research scientists was flying over Texas when their ‘Who’s Messin’ with the Ozone Layer’ detection device went nuts,” explained Chevron spokesperson, L. Nicole Ross. Using a high-pencil-strength-steel gas pipeline, Chevron will downstream Fat Bastard’s gas, heating 15,000 homes across the United States. “Fat Bastard has saved Antarctica. Hell, this thing about Fat Bastard’s ass is hugeamongous,” said President Bush taking a quick break from eating birthday cake with Pope Benedict XVI.
Chevron has pledged two billion dollars to further develop a top-secret invention called the ‘Fat Bastard’s Anal High-Pressure High-Volume Linear Osmosis Conversion Valve.’ O’Reilly said Chevron is funding this as a humanitarian effort to save the planet. He has been assured that Rice University will use the funds to explore additional uses of flatulence. Rice University scientists are in discussions with Texas A&M to expand the use of this new scientific discovery for all other gaseous animals including bovines. L. Nicole Ross said Rice University will hold the patent on the anal valve.
Buddy Fat Bastard’s agent could not be reached for comment.
Chevron Corporation is one of the world’s leading integrated energy companies, with subsidiaries that conduct business across the globe and now in Fat Bastard’s gas.
© 2008 Austin Girl