See the world — or at least learn to read

Summer is almost here and remember those  loud-mouthed obnoxious western tourists we used to pickpocket? Oh, how we miss them. Good times.

But their reign as smug global polluter has been usurped by the new super-rich Chinese and if this global economy is to ever get off its lazy ass and start working again, we better start embracing Chinese tourists and changing our ways to suit their needs.

Hence, New Years this year will now be on February 10, public smoking (and spitting on the sidewalk) will be mandatory, chicken feet will be added to McDonald’s Happy Meals, and gambling will be an Olympic event.

Books like the one shown here will need to be rewritten — and read right to left for starters (or is that up and down? Hu knows.) But until then, we can publish one last collector’s edition copy of the bestest-selling travel book ever.