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November 09, 2011

Godlin has always been a Puker. It's not just a hobby....It's a lifestyle.

I'm a puker and I've always been one. I've got a hair trigger gag reflex that activates at even the thought of sour milk or hot mayonnaise and the ultimate gag inducer, other peoples puke. 
I've puked in 32 oz travel mugs, on strangers lawns, in rivers, out the windows of moving vehicles, and the pinnacle of my career in barf, on the bar at the Pin Room..granted I was 19. That's why the drinking age is 21. And because I do a pretty good job staying away from hot mayonnaise and a really shitty job staying away from booze, It's my main reason for retching and writhing on my bathmat wishing I had scrubbed the toilet more recently.  
Booze and me get along really well for a night, but like a smelly dude in the bed the next morning, all that booze gotta go. And How! 

But Doesn't puking make you skinny? 

No. Drinking myriad alcohol (can I use myriad like that? I'm trying to sound smart in a puking story) and barfing for a day will make you temporarily skinny from water loss, but it is imediately followed for a desire for Gatorade and Hungry Man salisbury steak, which evens you out again.

Eeew. I don't know if puking is for me, Sarah. Is it all bad? 

No again. There is a beautiful transcendent moment after you wretch your last dry heave and all of your stomach acid has vacated your innards and you are hot as hell but you are lying there topless on your cold, cold bathroom tile and you feel like the king of the world.

So, give being a puker a try.  If anything it will help you with your kid's box tops for education drive because there is one on every Salisbury Steak box.