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September 29, 2016
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Because of the nature of time, Sunday night is always "'bout to happen."

Carrie Underwood is singing a brand new tune for NBC’s Sunday Night Football this season. Sure, it’s catchy, but is it true? We took a closer look at some of the lyrics…

Stand up and cheer
Stomp your feet start clapping.

No one is alone in their living room, hooting and hollering at their at their television because Carrie Underwood told them to. At least I hope not. That makes me really sad to think about.

FALSE

NBC Sunday Night about to happen.

For some reason, NBC makes you watch an entire music video seconds before a football starts, so Carrie Underwood is right about this one. And because of the forward and relative natures of time, Sunday night is, and always has been, “about to happen.”

TRUE

America’s game.

We all know that America’s game is ‘Pokemon Go’ with vape tricks a close second.

FALSE

Been waitin’ all day.

I’m not sitting on my hands, waiting around until I can watch a bunch of dudes give each other concussions. I got other shit going on in my life. You don’t know me, Carrie Underwood. You don’t know me at all.

FALSE

The best of the best
Have come to play.

The NFL is the top professional league in the country, and in the world for that matter, so these players represent the pinnacle of the sport. But you wouldn’t know that if you watched the shit-show that went down between the Cowboys and the Bears last week.

FALSE

The gang’s all here.
Let’s turn it up.

I assume that Carrie Underwood is talking about NBC Sunday Night Football’s legendary commentating crew. If that’s the case, crank your TV as high as it goes because Cris Collinsworth’s voice sounds like an angel made a baby with a 1970 Dodge Challenger with a case of Miller High Life in the back seat.

TRUE

It’s the NFL.

Can’t argue with that.
TRUE

Can’t get enough.

If we’re talking about watching Chicago’s cheese-cloth of a run defense, then I’ve already had plenty, Carrie Underwood.

FALSE

Got a battle tonight.

There is absolutely no fight in Brian Hoyer’s eyes. Every time the dude comes out of the huddle, he looks like he saw a ghost in there.

FALSE

Winner take all.

Good, because if the Bears are gonna play like that, they don’t deserve a goddamn thing.

TRUE

Ain’t nothing like
Sunday Night football.

Except for Thursday night, Sunday day, and Monday night football. And if we’re talking about that Cowboys and Bears clusterfuck specifically, I played in a couple flag football games in college that came close and half of those guys were drunk, high, or both.

FALSE

It’s out of control.

I wouldn’t call anything about Roger Goodell’s NFL “out of control.” Roger has things very much under control, if you know what I mean. Don’t be surprised when every single player kneeling for the national anthem suddenly tears their ACL in the same week.

FALSE

Get set. Let’s go.

I’m ready, Carrie Underwood. I’ve been ready.

FALSE

The clock’s counting down.

Carrie Underwood points out again that time, cruelly, marches ever onward.

TRUE

Let’s spark this bowl!

Honestly, I had a hard time making this part out. I’m not exactly sure if this is what Carrie Underwood said. Sometimes you here what you wanna hear you know. In either case, I’m way ahead of you, Carrie. ;)

TRUE

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