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The Reddening
Republicans have taken control of the Senate with most races already called, although the Virginia Senate Race between Democratic Senator Mark Warner and challenger Republican Ed Gillespie is still too close to call. On the plus side, a recall will give the winning candidate a useful lesson in grinding the gears of democracy to a halt that he can put to good use in congress.


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You’re Never Too Young to Be an Asshole
West Virginia elected 18-year-old Saira Blair, who mainly campaigned out of her dorm room, making her the youngest State Legislator in the country. Blair’s anti-gay, anti-choice, and pro-gun stances make it clear that she is a true voice of her generation and not just the daughter of a Republican state senator that saw an opportunity for an easy win and seized it.


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Also, Butler Wanted
Benedict Cumberbatch announced his engagement to Sophie Hunter in a small ad in the London Times. Cumberbatch is expected to announce the wedding date by whispering it to his mailman.


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Slimer’s Had too Much Work Done
The cast of Ghostbusters reunited for the film’s 30th anniversary for an Entertainment Weekly cover shoot. They were all happy to reunite, except Bill Murray who had to be tricked into believing he was photobombing a Bar Mitzvah.


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Do Unto Others
A 90-year-old Florida man was arrested for giving food to the homeless, under a new ordinance banning “public food sharing.” After his arrest the old man revealed himself to be Jesus Christ returned to Earth and damned every single one of us to hell.

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