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September 15, 2011

Got tired aching feet from carrying around 228 lbs. of sin and shit for the last 53 years?  Not anymore, thanks to Dr. Scholl’s Custom Fit Orthotic Inserts.

The patented new CradleFlex support system is expertly designed to support and stabilize the arch of your foot, minimizing the impact of every painful step as you pace from one airport terminal to the next throughout this never ending series of layovers that is your perdition.

No matter what city, what airport, what flight it’s always the same day to you.

You drink airport Bloody Mary’s until you can’t muster the blood flow to your sad pitiful prick to finally give yourself that first class lavatory jerk job you’ve been dreaming of every since your plane reached cruising altitude.

Cumming in turbulence is like fucking the mouth of God.  

A momentary release so intense you forget the fact that you are no longer legally allowed to be a father to your son.  

I love you, David.  

You clean up the mess of you sour depravity with your Sky Mall catalogue and snort a line of the crushedOxycontin you snuck through the security check point inside a travel sized bottle of Johnson’s Baby Powder in your toiletry bag and get back in your seat. 

You lean your seat back to sleep.

You pray that the plane crashes before you wake.

You know that if the 117 other souls on this Delta flight knew what was really in that blood shit pump you call a heart they would gladly sacrifice their lives to know that a person like you was no longer in this world.  

See you at baggage claim. 

- Dan Dringle