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June 04, 2009


We've come a long way, baby. We've travelled from the movie theatre around the block all the way to the stars above. We've pondered God, and we've pondered HBO's The Wire. Sadly, our week together is about to end. What's that, you say? "Matty, please don't go"? Sorry babe, This pony's gotta jet-- he's a wild stallion with nothing to lose, and a chip on his shoulder and a motorcycle but no motorcycle helmet, so he's gonna ride off into the sunset with destiny as his guide and Queensryche as his only friend, if you know what I mean. I was tempted to do a "Best of"-- in fact, I titled this post just that. But we all know how that'd go: 
5. Wednesday Stupid Work Guy Bit
4. Thursday Rant About Dumb Guy At Grove
3. My First Day, When I Did Some Meta-List Thing
2. Here I'd insert some storyline from an episode of Friends or Saved By The Bell, only inserting myself into the role of Joey or Screech. You'd chuckle and say it was funny, but neither of us would believe it.
1. Tuesday How I'd Like to go To Space.

Disagree? Go back and read those, because that's pretty objectively correct. I peaked early, for shizzle shazzle. So instead of doing that depressing Best Of thing I just did, and without scrolling up this page to change the title of this post, here's a list of my favorite things about blogging here for you this week.

1. That Denny's All Nighter ad that I keep accidentally rolling over with my mouse at the side of the page, causing it to explode with choppy animation all across my browser screen. I find it fascinating. There's a unicorn and leprechaun and stuff and they're all eating pancakes, yet I care so little that Denny's has to force the insanely unlikely scenario upon me by making the ad obnoxiously unavoidable. Don't get me wrong, me n' my Stanford buds would cruise down to the Palo Alto Denny's at 2am on many a weekend night. But it would usually just be like, me and Cole and Steve and Fred and Joe Larkin and Doc and Ariel with no mythical creatures in sight, and it would be way more fun and interesting than that one dude's descent into madness at his local diner.

Maybe Denny's could have shown, like, regular dudes enjoying Denny's rather than the chosen psycho dream-- or as I would call it, the "Cameron Crowe" route over the "David Lynch" route. Don't you guys find Cameron Crowe's characters to be shockingly realistic? I do. At least, in Jerry Maguire they were. Show me the pancakes. Show me the silver dollar pancakes? Show me the money pancakes. Show me the money. Gimme a minute, I'm working through something.

You know what I think may have been the best way for Denny's to sell their pancakes, though? A picture of pancakes. That's probably the best way to reel in any pancake fans because, let's face it, people have their minds made up when it comes to the flapjack's celebrity cousin. Someone craving pancakes doesn't want to know if they might be able to consume them in some sort of nightmare scenario. They just want to know if the darn things are in supply.

Not only that, but several times my mouse has slipped over the ad and it's streamed across my text space, somehow converting the text box into a dark grey pit of nothingness where no text enters and no text leaves. I must then reload the page to be able to type again. Granted, I may be the only one who's had this problem. But in case anyone else has been sent to the Blogderdome (or beyond, for that matter), I just wanted to throw out a sympathetic "yelp." I tried a Mad Max reference there that didn't really work, probably for more reasons than you think.

So that about does it for my favorite things about blogging here this week. Everything else sucked for the most part, or at the very least was forgettable enough to not be included here. And if you are craving any more Matty Smith blogging action, you can check it out on the UCBcomedy blog. Is it cool that I post a link related to another site that claims to provide "comedic video content?" Ah, I'm sure it's fine.

Thank you Funny and Die! I hope you think I was funny and not die, or at least mild enough to just look for ten seconds or so and then click another link without voting.

Oh, and I promised crazy text at the beginning of the week, so here it is on just a random string of letters I'm gonna type:

See Matty&Jack: Adventure To Adventure Mountain, June 10th and 24th at the UCB Theatre in Los Angeles! Click here for information!

That's all for now! Goodnight Canada! Pardon the Interruption but I'm Mike Wilbon knuckleheads!

This blog is paid for in part by the Denny's All Nighter ad campaign. "Denny's: I want to hop to Denny's." The other part was paid for by student loans.