Full Credits

Stats & Data

January 24, 2009


The ironies of life never cease to amaze me, making me wonder if there is some cosmic plan behind it all. The connections are too real to be random.

My daughter and I often talk about these co-inky-dinks as we travel to and from her college. We are amazed how some events get tied together in time and how parallel they become. It’s like you hear a unusual word, maybe for the first time and then wham, that word turns up in a television commercial, in a book you’re reading or in a conversation. The word goes from nonexistent to vocabulary overkill in a heart beat.

Here’s a recent case in point. Let me set the scene.

I’m in the Bat Cave (My Basement Office) writing some FOD caps, just filling in some spare time. Josh, the fourteen year old has his buddy Kevin over. They’re in the next room playing foose-ball and listening to tunes. The laugh, the swear, they argue as all competitive boys do!

A typical day in Paradise!

I’m on a Mike Hawk rant and have just typed, "Mike Hawk likes a cool dip after a hard workout." (Remember the naked guy jumping through a hole in the ice picture.)

Just as I sit back to admire my not-so-original thinking the words and music from the next room filter in to my space.

The rap goes like this:

My dick is super size

Your dick look like two fries

My dick more mass than the Earth

Your dick half staff (it needs work)

Say what?

I call to the boys. "Tone that down, your mother’s upstairs and she doesn’t want to hear that crap!", but I’m thinking, "Wow, that’s pretty original stuff. Almost humorous!"

Shaking my head, I return to my keyboard and write: "It’s hard to find Mike Hawk when it’s really cold!" Hmmmm, I think that one needs work.

The music gets louder and the boys are now chanting along.

My dick locked in a cage (right)

Your dick suffers from stage fright

My dick so hot it’s stolen

Your dick like Gary Coleman

I jump up again, ready to read the riot act, but they’re laughing and dancing like Jay-Z - chanting away another verse in unison.

My dick need no introduction

Your dick don’t even function

My dick served a whole lunch-in

Your dick, look like a mutchkin

I simply give them the "SSSHHHHHHSH" sign and slither back into the cave. The music fades to a quiet drone as the chortling and guffaws become infectious. You see, I’m laughing, too!

"What’s going on down there?" my wife calls from the top of the stairs.

I’d like to say, "Oh, just a bunch of boys and some penis humour, dear!" but decide on a curt, "Oh, nothing!"

So you see the parallel here - the cosmic connection. You understand my pre-DICK-ament, right? Seems like the boys and I were on the same page! Teenaged boys and an over-the-hill hack writer somehow in cosmic sync!


Give that Mickey Avalon tune a look-see (My Dick), and then tune in here for more oral intercourse from Mike Hawk.

PRICELESS! Don’t you think?

Have a great day. JIMBOBALOUIE