Full Credits

Stats & Data

4Funny
1Die
2,009
Views
February 05, 2015
Published
Description

An editorial delving into American's love for pizza over sex

There are many factors to consider: Who the sex is with. Where and what is involved in the sex. What pizza place did you get the pizza from? Are there toppings?

I can say, assuredly, that pizza immediately before, or during sex is not ideal. But pizza directly proceeding sex has yielded a 100% satisfaction rate. Now, is it because the sex was so good, and the slice of pizza is akin to a cigarette which calms you down after the heart-pumping romp of intercourse? Or, is it that the pizza alone transcends the act preceding it and would have actually created greater satisfaction had it’s eating been independent from sex altogether.

One undeniable fact is, the pizza industry in the United States outproduces the sex industry drastically. If you walk down any city street in the country you are bound to see multiple pizza places. But how many sex stores do you see? In any grocery store there is an entire section in the freezer aisle specifically for frozen pizza. How many sections of your local super market have entire areas dedicated to sex? You guessed it, none.

So is it true that we love pizza more than sex? Personally I found that I was eliciting sex more for the pizza that greeted me at the other end, than the sex itself. This issue, of course, does not apply to everyone. There are a small percentage of people that actually do not immediately eat pizza after sex, but mostly because of an allergy to lactose. However, with the accessibility of dairy free and vegan cheeses, and gluten free crusts, there are now almost zero restrictions to post sex pizza.

With this, it is in my opinion that pizza after sex will be so enjoyable, more and more people will skip the sex and go straight for the pizza. This brings up numerous ramifications both positive and negative for our society. To name a couple; heart disease will rise, but STDs will go down. The condom and lube industry will take a hit, but stain-removing companies like OxiClean will thrive with the increase in sauce and grease related stains.

Clearly the issue is multilayered, and at times folded upon itself. The best way to diminish the potential downfalls is awareness. We must have this conversation, and continue having it.

Advertisement
Advertisement